Thread: Rant - "Can my friend perform with you?"

Recently, my friend hired the troupe I direct to perform at a fashion show. We get to use the stage and runway, and I wrote 3 brand new choreographies in order to make the best use of the stage and runway during the show. The placement and timing during these choreographies is very important.
I emailed the client a rough outline of the show to make sure it was what she imagined and she approved it and seemed very pleased.
So, now the show is about a month away and we've all been working very hard but the client calls me up with a question. Our conversation went something like this-
HER: "One of the models I'm using in the fashion show is a belly dancer. Well, I mean she's had a few classes. Can she dance with you guys? I know she would be awfully hurt if she knew I hired dancers and didn't ask her to be involved".

ME: "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if that will work. We have less then a month to prepare and we've already done a lot of practicing and planning. It would be really hard for me to add in another dancer. I don't know her, so I can't be sure she is on the same skill level as my other dancers and she may be left behind on the choreography. Plus we all have matching costumes, and I worry hers wouldn't fit in."

HER: "Oh, I don't think she has a costume, can't you lend her one?"

And so on. I did my best to nicely explain why it wouldn't work out but she kept franticly searching for ways to include her friend. In order to get her off the phone I agreed to think it over.
The next day I wrote her a very nice email telling her that UNLESS her friend could make it to all the remaining practices and come up with a costume similar to ours we'd have to say no, I carefully explained all my reasonings and told her I hoped she understood why we can to that decision.
I asked her to think of it as hiring a professional band, then asking if your cousin who's had a couple drum lessons can drum for one of their songs with out ever having met him or practiced with him- and oh yeah, can he use YOUR drum set? It would be a disaster right? I told her we both wanted a professional and polished show and I couldn't guarantee that if we had to add in another dancer. I suggested that her friend dance before or after our set if she'd like to perform.

Well the client is still nagging me to work her friend in to our show because her friend has stage fright and won't dance alone. It was obvious she wasn't going to take no for an answer. So I finally got her friend's email address and told her that she could dance with us if she could meet the above requirements and I told her that the choreographies required intermediate skill levels. And I suggested she perform a solo before or after us instead.
No reply. Ha!

Anyway it amazes me how often people think we can just 'throw in another dancer' at any show with out ever meeting them! Does this happen to anyone else or is it just me?

Wow! I dont know if it happens to others but this is a little over the top.

Its like asking the NYC Ballet to let your daughter perform who just started dancing lessons.

Good for you for taking a stand and keeping up your standards. If she is an awful dancer it will reflect on your entire troupe and you could loose oppurtunities...

Parisa, I think you were very diplomatic! I'm not sure I could have been as diplomatic as you, nor would I have considered under ANY circumstances adding an unknown person with only "a few classes" in her background into my show.

I've learned from experience that the more details you give people on "why" you're saying no, the more likely they are to try to dissect your reasons and contest each one, until they wear you down. In your story, for example, you raised the costuming issue, and she came back with, "Can't you lend her one?"

One thing that MIGHT work is to have an "audience participation" thing at the end of your show, where you dancers go out and recruit people to get up and freestyle with you. In such an environment, the model/friend could be "planted" in the audience ahead of time, and you could have a plan to have her be the first person you grab to get up and dance. The model would have an opportunity to be included (a defined role, that of helping get the audience participation started), she could show off her moves, she wouldn't need a costume, the organizer would be appeased, and your show wouldn't be ruined.

Good luck! It sounds exasperating!

I wouldn't have even made the offer that you did. It could still come back to bite you in the rear, because the dancer could show up not this week but next and somehow still expect to be incorporated.

Your friend's request is ridiculous. I'm so so so sick of the attitude that a handful of lessons makes someone an oriental dancer.

Your comparison to a band and letting someone's cousin play along was spot on, and yet she still doesn't get it.

Sedonia

Wow. I don't know what more you could say. That's crazy.

I'm trying to figure out why someone with only a couple of lessons and no costume would even WANT to perform with a troupe of total strangers? I wonder if she's being pushed into this as well by the well-meaning mutual friend.

Excellent post Shira!!! Great idea.... luv it.

Thanks for the responses!
I was considering adding her only to the finale of the show where each dancer gets a short solo while the rest do simple moves in a chorus in the back, it would have taken a lot of rearranging on my part and cutting down the length of the other dancer's solos, but since it was so important to the client I figured I'd give it a shot...
Luckily I don't have to worry about it!
I did consider the audience participation dance but sadly the set up of the stage and runway would make it too awkward, but it's a great idea!

Believe it or not this is at least my third request like this! It's always someone's friend/sister/girlfriend who has no pro costume and only a few lessons and little or no performing experience. Makes my head hurt!

i wouldn't agree to it. i smells. i bet any photos from this sent out to papers etc will have the friend in them & not your troupe. tina

Parisa - I've gotten this kind of thing, too. It's very irritating!

Umm...Hey doc, I read some stuff on webMD - can I help perform the surgery?

Ummm....I've watched NASCAR for years, can I race that car?

Ummm....ummmm...could go on forever. I think the GP thinks we put on cute costumes and we stand around all cute-like.

I agree with Shira. Her solution seems the best option to please everyone involved.

The reason this happened is plain and simple. The woman who hired you doesn't respect our artform. The only way to change her mind is prove her wrong and knock 'em dead. Yet another opportunity to educated someone!

(Compounded if you get people up to dance where people will undoubtedly see the skill differences).

You get this, I get, can you teach some of our male employees how do do a few moves and dress them up like belly dnacers/ then at the end of the set, they'll come in, dance with you, then go out and embarrass the big wigs?

Ummmm...... Sure. Why not? Lend you my $700 bedlahs? Sure thing!

{{{{HUGS}}}}

The closest I came to something like this was the grand opening of a restaurant that I danced at (not an ME place). The owners wife was self taught to videos, and she wanted to dance as well but separate from me. I said as long as they made the clear distinction that I was a professional performer and was not associated with her as a dancer in any way (i.e., not her teacher or a fellow troupe member, etc.), it was no skin off my nose.

I went on first and did a really nice full set - orchestral Egyptian piece, drum solo, assaya, etc. Knocked 'em dead. I went backstage to change, and heard his wife addressing the audience, "Ummmm...I just want you to know up front, I can't dance like that. I'm just an amatur, so don't expect much." I came out while she was still dancing, and it was about what you'd expect at a student show or hafla - not terrible, but certainly not professional level by a long shot.

it is a total lack of respect and understanding of the quality/work/level/skill of the other dancers involved. sad, but true.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I'm trying to figure out why someone with only a couple of lessons and no costume would even WANT to perform with a troupe of total strangers? I wonder if she's being pushed into this as well by the well-meaning mutual friend.

wow. i'm amazed that someone would ask this. i would be so offended.

Tell her no problem, the model can dance with you, oh and BTW - you and your troupemates have known how to walk and wear clothes most of your lives, so its really only fair if you guys are fashion models in the show as well. Oh, and you actually took a sewing class once and really, wouldn't it be great if they could also model some of your clothes that you made?

I thought the example you gave about a band was wonderful, and this woman is daft and disrespectful if she's still trying to get her model into the performance. I'm with Laura, I bet the poor girl doesn't even want to do it and this organizer is trying to orchestrate a situation based on some random whim of hers.

i've had gigs where the organiser booked anohter dancer, that i dont know, without me knowing that there was a second dancer, and they expect you to miraculously dance a whole set together

and recently i was hired together with a friend, we were told we would dance in two different rooms, to our own music. guess what, change of plans, so they expect us to dance to the same music...and where annoyed that we needed some time re sorting out the music, couldnt we just hand in "a" cd.

this is the same as the people who as "do you bring music or should our dj choose the songs"

I am equally shocked that you agreed on any level to this! I would have said no, that is patently impossible. Period.

Originally Posted by TribalDancer

I am equally shocked that you agreed on any level to this! I would have said no, that is patently impossible. Period.

I was under the impression she said "yes" because the woman wouldn't take "no" for answer, but that she added on the "only if conditions" knowing full well the girl would not live up to them. That's just how I read it, though.

Dealing with this sort of person is like dealing with a 5 year old.
"Mom, can I go out to play?"
You can say
"No. Your room is a mess and you have to clean it up. You can't have friends over or go out until your room is spotless"
OR you can say
"yes, as soon as you clean up your room. As soon as you're done show me what a good job you've done."
It's the SAME damn thing, but people react differently to "yes" and "no".

But the difference for me is there is ZERO circumstances under which I would let a total stranger with little to no dance experience step in with my paid performance troupe. Personally, I honestly don't know the true meaning of "won't take no for an answer". Someone has to give in on a side in these situations, and it would never be me.

I think part of the problem is that it's a friend who hired you. Always awkward regarding everything from money to expectations of special treatment.

Yeouch. Bizarre and awkward. In your position I might have said ( nicely) that you took this on as a professional gig and that you really can't work in someone you don't know at the last minute... and if this is a problem for her that you will understand if she'd rather not hire you. I bet she'd blink. Sometimes the customer needs to know that you ain't playin'.

Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk

I was under the impression she said "yes" because the woman wouldn't take "no" for answer, but that she added on the "only if conditions" knowing full well the girl would not live up to them. That's just how I read it, though.

Exactly right. I was just trying to keep the peace, since she is a friend and was dead set on having her 'dancer' friend involved in someway. I knew the other dancer wouldn't agree once she realized how much work would be involved in such a short time. This is the one and only time I've treied to compromise, the rest of the time's I was asked I never gave in.

Bad news is I was helping a friend move last night and tripped on a cable and dropped a TV on my ankle while falling down the staris. Going to have to cancel practices and find a sub for my classes until I can put weight on my foot again! Grrr! ..c::

Originally Posted by Parisa

Bad news is I was helping a friend move last night and tripped on a cable and dropped a TV on my ankle while falling down the staris. Going to have to cancel practices and find a sub for my classes until I can put weight on my foot again! Grrr! ..c::

Dayam! Could you have added anything else in that accident? It sounds like you managed to get just about everything! I'm just kidding, of course, and it's no joke when you do something like that .... especially before a gig. Take care and get healed soon (sending healing energy your way).

ACK! Parisa! As someone who has had a back injury since June and had to have someone sub all my classes for a while, I am feeling for you! I am only just now getting back to teaching, and I still have to have my co-director sub for me now and again when it is acting up. :(

Thanks to you both! It sounds worse then it is, if I stay off my ankle and Keep icing it I should be back on my feet in a few days!

Keep saying no. That sort of behavior is totally not on.

Besides if her 'friend' wanted to perform so much then she should have contacted you too..

Plus the model with a few belly dance lessons is just suspicious.

hope your foot gets better soon parisa!

unfortunately, people generally have no idea the amount of skill and effort another persons job requires. i find this all the time, in all different industries. on the up side, your troupe must be very good to make it look so easy :)

An inexperienced dancer with stage fright is JUST what I would need for a successful gig! Not.



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