Thread: "Could you wear something less risque?"

I am sure there are tons of threads on this topic, but I just needed to vent a little... Twice this week I have been asked to Belly Dance for a couple of events only to have it backed up with "Could you wear something a little less risque" or "cover the midriff". Usually I suck it up and smile and say "of course I can" and wear an egyptian dress, but I just got so annoyed and my Husband fired me up with "...don't take that. They are being ignorant and you should tell them no."

Here is a request I just received today:
"Our audience tends to run conservative 50+…do you guys have outfits that aren’t too risqué? Like full length skirts and maybe no-midriff? I don’t want to anyone to have a heart-attack! :)"

I know she didn't mean any harm, but it can be so frustrating... Here was my repsonse:
"I am an Oriental Style dancer which means I dance in the Classical Egyptian Style, so, while all of our skirts are full length, the typical traditional style of dress bares the midriff. Because I am representing a particular ethnic style of dance from a desert region I don’t particularly consider my costuming risque. You can see many examples of my costuming on my website in my photo gallery. Anyone viewing a latin ballroom event will see costuming with much less yardage. There are, however, some folkloric styles of dance where the midriff is covered and I have costuming for those specific dances, however they are not meant to be worn while dancing Oriental style and I do not have enough folkloric repertoire to fill up close to an hour of dancing.
I hope I am not coming across as too offended... However, I find that I am too often defending my art form and it’s beautiful costuming. Please let me know if you are still interested in having Belly Dancing at your event.
Thanks,
Andalee"

DO you think it was an appropriate response? What do you tell people who have similar requests?

I think you are the only one who can determine what you are comfortable dancing in, and if you feel strongly enough about it, you shouldn't have to back down, however- we are also in an entertainment industry. To some extent, we need to give the customer what they want, as long as we are not compromising our own integrity. I see nothing inauthentic or compromising with wearing an oriental style dress, personally, and if it makes a certain audience more comfortable and able to more fully enjoy my performance, I don't see why I would object. That is my personal stance. There is a tribal troupe in town who makes it a policy not to dance anywhere where their midriff baring garb is questioned. Both are totally valid view points, so I guess my question to you is *why* are you bothered by the request, and do you feel strongly enough about it to potentially let go of gigs that don't follow your line of logic. Calling them ignorant seems silly to me- they simply know their preferences, and, as I said earlier, dancing in an elegant dress really isn't any less authentic to the essential dance style, unless you are trying to recreate a specific performance or emulate a specific dancer in a specific situation. The whole desert argument in particular doesn't make sense to me, in an area were most folks are going very well covered indeed.

I understand what you are saying, but I have to agree that we are in the entertainment industry, which for some of us has been affected by the economy. I'd be happy that a customer is being forthright about their group's "vibe". If you really feel bothered by it -you can give to another dancer in the area, but if it were ME - I'd listen carefully, offer some photographs of dresses I have and enjoy the event!

See, that would give me a reason to shop for some beautiful dresses just for the occasional 'conservative' show like this!

I would never call them ignorant... my Husband just gets all fired up :)

I do have egyptian dresses and I love to wear them sometimes. I just got frustrated because I know I wouldn't call a tahitian dancer to perform and them tell them I think their costuming is too risque and ask if they could cover up more. So I guess I also wouldn't call a Belly Dancer to peroform and tell her the same thing.

Oh, I hear ya! I could write a full on rant about the local situation last summer when an off hand comment made by some anonymous person to my pastor blew up in my face. That was fun. Pastor handled it well, but it freaked my husband out. It can be frustrating sometimes. What wouldn't even occur to me to question, other people are very sensitive about. My host sister in Mexico was in a Polynesian dance troupe- they had very different costumes for when they performed at the local night club and when they did recitals & home parties- I think it's kind of universal, it's not just us.

And after all that, I find I actually like dancing in dresses better anyway- and SO much easier to get into, lol!

Plenty of Arabs love the dresses and the more covered up styles.
In Egypt today the oriental dancers have to wear tummy covers in public performances.
Covering your tummy does not make it less authentic.
I have dresses for conservative Arab events. I have (or make) tummy covers to match bedleh costumes for more conservative American and sometimes will also wear pants under the skirts for these, especially if I will be up on a stage or there might be children sitting on the floor. In bedleh though I can do sword etc, so I like to have this option.
Most of my tummy covers are just fishnet that match the costume. It's enough coverage for them, yet there's actually quite a bit of skin showing.

Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk

Plenty of Arabs love the dresses and the more covered up styles.

This. And community organizations will often want more coverage too. So now the troupe has some nice long sparkly tunics that go over pants and they dance however they want in them. After seeing Tito rock a long white shirt, I'd say ... attitude rules, the rest drool.

I know of patrons that requested more covered attire after seeing dancers wearing very skimpy mini-skirt costumes, bras with numerous cut-outs, 1 or 2 wide splits in narrow skirts (6+" inches wide openings at the waistband), huge cut-outs on the side of the skirt that shifted or moved during performances, clear back/neck straps and clear straps holding the cups together, etc. Some patrons found those costuming choices to be distracting. Dancers seem to enjoy the new styles and more of a high-fashion look but the GP often finds some of the new trends to be distracting and somewhat less-than-desirable. Rather than risk any such costumes being worn the patrons choose to err on the side of caution and request very conservative costuming. Totally understandable since they wanted to insure the performance would be well-received and enjoyed by the audience and the dancer would receive positive feedback.

I understand the patrons goal of wanting the entire experience to be enjoyable. I find it a positive decision when patrons provide their preferences, that info eliminates misunderstandings and leads to a pleasant experience for everyone. If I felt inclined to not accept the terms I would simply decline the gig. The high fashion costumes are often better received in seminar show formats.

Bodystocking, bodystocking, bodystocking. Problem solved, especially if it's jewelled or colour-matched.

WRT the hula dancer example you gave, though, I don't think it's a good one, because what people wear to perform Polynesian dances is traditional normal clothing. OK, coconut bras are not traditional, but they are worn because traditionally women in the Pacific slands didn't wear tops at all, just like the men didn't. Many Pacific cultures are very modest now, and cover up a great deal due to missionary influence, but before, that didn't extend to the breasts.

In the Middle East people don't walk around in a bedleh, indoors or out. A bedleh is more like a tutu than a hula costume - it's the costume, as opposed to folkloric garment, that immediately says "belly dance" just as a tutu immediately says "ballet".

Originally Posted by Andalee

I would never call them ignorant... my Husband just gets all fired up :)

I do have egyptian dresses and I love to wear them sometimes. I just got frustrated because I know I wouldn't call a tahitian dancer to perform and them tell them I think their costuming is too risque and ask if they could cover up more. So I guess I also wouldn't call a Belly Dancer to peroform and tell her the same thing.

If it makes you feel better, my troupemates used to perform Hawaiian/Tahitian dances and for some events they WERE asked not to bare their midriffs. Often they danced in colorful cotton sundresses in tropical prints. Seriously!

I don't take this personally because I think the whole thing comes out of some vague fear that they're doing something risky by hiring you -- that 'someone' will freak out over bellydancers being present. I don't know about your region, but in mine it's a real possibility. I know one Midwestern dancer who was escorted out of a corporate function before anyone even SAW her costume once the bigwigs learned that a *gasp* bellydancer had been hired.

I don't think it's the costume. The Rams cheerleaders, Hooters waitresses, even high school pom pom squads wear less than I do, and often move more provocatively. Never mind Fosse dancers straddling chairs in fishnets! But no one acts like they're obscene, right?

My pet theory is that it's all about the harem fantasies that were so popular in the early-mid 20th century. You see this theme of subservient Harem slave girls all over films, men's magazines, sci fi movies, etc from that era. Men from that era get turned on by any little hint of I Dream of Jeannie. They may want to blame your costume, but it's their fantasies that are steaming them up.

Anyway, if wearing a more covered costume gets me the gig, so be it! If I don't get the gig, I'll NEVER get to show them what we *really* do!

Well, I think the first thing you need to know before you react and respond is what exactly the client means when they say "conservative." As has already been pointed out, maybe they've seen so many costumes that bare lots of flesh that they'd consider your usual costumes conservative enough. So, find out first, then you can decide if you are willing to do that or not.

Personally, I'd rather a client ask me to dress conservatively than ask me to dress skimpily. I feel more comfortable when I am overly covered than when I am feeling too naked. Plus, if someone wants to see my dance in a more conservative outfit, it means that they truly care about my dancing and don't just want to look at my bare skin.

Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk

Plenty of Arabs love the dresses and the more covered up styles.
In Egypt today the oriental dancers have to wear tummy covers in public performances.
Covering your tummy does not make it less authentic.
I have dresses for conservative Arab events. I have (or make) tummy covers to match bedleh costumes for more conservative American and sometimes will also wear pants under the skirts for these, especially if I will be up on a stage or there might be children sitting on the floor. In bedleh though I can do sword etc, so I like to have this option.
Most of my tummy covers are just fishnet that match the costume. It's enough coverage for them, yet there's actually quite a bit of skin showing.

Totally true, I should invest in more tummy covers! I don't usually get hired by Arabs here... There aren't too many in my community. It's mostly Americans that throwing a bday party but since the fam is present they couldn't hire a stripper, so what's the next best thing? You guessed it. I think it has put me on the defensive when someone suggests my costuming is too racy.

Originally Posted by yameyameyame

Well, I think the first thing you need to know before you react and respond is what exactly the client means when they say "conservative." As has already been pointed out, maybe they've seen so many costumes that bare lots of flesh that they'd consider your usual costumes conservative enough. So, find out first, then you can decide if you are willing to do that or not.

Personally, I'd rather a client ask me to dress conservatively than ask me to dress skimpily. I feel more comfortable when I am overly covered than when I am feeling too naked. Plus, if someone wants to see my dance in a more conservative outfit, it means that they truly care about my dancing and don't just want to look at my bare skin.

So true! I never thought of it that way! It is better they don't ask me to wear LESS!

I completely understand what you are saying but I would appreciate that they were being forthcoming before entering into any contract or anything else with you. I view it as the same as a request for coins or a request for bright colors. Customers just have certain tastes, and as long as those tastes dont jeopardize my safety or dignity, I would try to accomodate.

That being said, there are tons of cabaret options (belly covers or just cabaret dresses... i've seen some gorgeous Pharaonics and Hanan ones recently) that might be what they are looking for. I imagine that you perform while tastefully dressed and that they are probably just covering their bases while making sure they don't end up with costumes consisting of clear straps, sheerness, too many cutouts, or too skimpy on the leg slits?

I personally don't own any dresses or midriff covers. I usually dance in a full skirt with a bedlah (no sheerness, cutouts, or too much leg showing). I love the bare midriff look (though not as much when I've been bad about indulging in carbs) and probably would just show some pix of my costuming (as you did) and if it didn't work for them, pass the gig on to another dancer I knew who had some costumes that were more in line with their definition of "conservative."

Originally Posted by Lauren_

I don't think it's the costume. The Rams cheerleaders, Hooters waitresses, even high school pom pom squads wear less than I do, and often move more provocatively. Never mind Fosse dancers straddling chairs in fishnets! But no one acts like they're obscene, right?

My pet theory is that it's all about the harem fantasies that were so popular in the early-mid 20th century. You see this theme of subservient Harem slave girls all over films, men's magazines, sci fi movies, etc from that era. Men from that era get turned on by any little hint of I Dream of Jeannie. They may want to blame your costume, but it's their fantasies that are steaming them up.

Anyway, if wearing a more covered costume gets me the gig, so be it! If I don't get the gig, I'll NEVER get to show them what we *really* do!

I like your theory! I think my knee jerk reaction was a culmination of being thought of as a middle eastern style stripper, or exotic dancer. I have no problem with strippers... some are quite talented, indeed... I am just not one. I try to educate my community through events, classes, and community service about what we do. For the most part it is well received and I am content :) However, sometimes I have to defend myself. I DON'T think my costumes are "risque". Bearing one's midriff is not some terribly sexy thing. The cheerleaders at my junior high wore less. Would they be asked to cover up? I get that the customer is "always right", or what's the big deal just wear a tummy cover or dress, or if may offend the audience's delicate sensibilities, it's just that sometimes the little voice in my head says "why should I have to?"

Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk

Plenty of Arabs love the dresses and the more covered up styles.
In Egypt today the oriental dancers have to wear tummy covers in public performances.
Covering your tummy does not make it less authentic.

Whew--thanks, Samira! I wear dresses a lot, and I wear fishnet bellycovers most of the rest of the time. I was pretty startled to read here (of all places) that my costuming might make me less Egyptian, less oriental, less ethnic, strictly folkloric, when I've put over a decade of time and effort into developing a style that I hope says otherwise. If dresses aren't Egyptian oriental, someone had better hurry up and tell Amira and Hannan and Eman.


It also seems worth mentioning that there are many dresses out there that show more skin than many two-piece costumes. The client or dancer who equates conservative costuming with a covered midriff might be in for a big surprise!

Originally Posted by Andalee

It's mostly Americans that throwing a bday party but since the fam is present they couldn't hire a stripper, so what's the next best thing? You guessed it. I think it has put me on the defensive when someone suggests my costuming is too racy.

Hoo boy, I know *exactly* where you're coming from, I've felt the same way, and yeah, I get defensive, too, when I pick up that vibe.

Because since you're a 'faux stripper' you were obviously going to show up in pasties and a fringed thong or something if they didn't ask you to cover up a bit, right? *eyeroll*

I think you're OK in these cases to just say "I wear a traditional Middle Eastern costume and my show is very family-friendly."

Originally Posted by Suzana

It also seems worth mentioning that there are many dresses out there that show more skin than many two-piece costumes. The client or dancer who equates conservative costuming with a covered midriff might be in for a big surprise!

No kidding! LOVED Eva Cerniks lime green mesh dress- the whole thing was *just* mesh with beading to cover the important bits. HOT! But I could never work up the nerve to wear it!

Originally Posted by Suzana

Whew--thanks, Samira! I wear dresses a lot, and I wear fishnet bellycovers most of the rest of the time. I was pretty startled to read here (of all places) that my costuming might make me less Egyptian, less oriental, less ethnic, strictly folkloric, when I've put over a decade of time and effort into developing a style that I hope says otherwise. If dresses aren't Egyptian oriental, someone had better hurry up and tell Amira and Hannan and Eman.


It also seems worth mentioning that there are many dresses out there that show more skin than many two-piece costumes. The client or dancer who equates conservative costuming with a covered midriff might be in for a big surprise!

Oh no! This is the reason I have never posted anything on Bhuzz... it seems way too easy to misunderstand someones perspective. In no way did I mean that egyptian dresses or tummy covers are less authentic or oriental or only intended for folk only. I was just frustrated that someone was suggesting that what i do or wear in general is risque. I am not saying that bedlah is the only way to go or anything like that, just that it shouldn't be disregarded for being too revealing. Bedlah just happens to be MY fave type of costuming and I want the GP to realize that is completely in line with the style of dance I do and not just some sleazy club type of costuming. I should probably keep the voices in my head where they belong next time I get frustrated... in my head.

I haven't read through the responses yet, but in this case...give the customer what they want.
It's not an unreasonable request.
This might really be their way of saying "There are patrons/patients here that their religious beliefs may be offended", without bringing religion into it because of discrimination, or any other reason.

I would be honored they want me to dance, and comply with their request, without being personally offended.

Originally Posted by Andalee

Oh no! This is the reason I have never posted anything on Bhuzz... it seems way too easy to misunderstand someones perspective. In no way did I mean that egyptian dresses or tummy covers are less authentic or oriental or only intended for folk only. I was just frustrated that someone was suggesting that what i do or wear in general is risque. I am not saying that bedlah is the only way to go or anything like that, just that it shouldn't be disregarded for being too revealing. Bedlah just happens to be MY fave type of costuming and I want the GP to realize that is completely in line with the style of dance I do and not just some sleazy club type of costuming. I should probably keep the voices in my head where they belong next time I get frustrated... in my head.

LOL! don't worry, I didn't read it that way. Please keep posting on bhuz :)

I agree with some of the above posters that really if the client is requesting something (a reasonable request of course) then I would agree to it. I totally understand your frustration though, it is sort of like they are saying "your dance is sexy* with sexy sex-ified moves and if your belly is bare we can't handle all the sexiness!!!" ... ok I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean ;) It can make you feel a bit sick to hear or sense that this is what the general public thinks about the beautiful dance we love and respect so much.

*not that sexy is a bad thing, but in the minds of the GP they usually think sexy/sensual = sex, raunchy, etc.

Maybe what you can say next time is that you understand their concern but that as a professional you would never present a show that wasn't classy and family friendly - with or without your belly covered. and you can also note that most audiences expect a bare belly on a "belly dancer" so to cover up might be a bit disappointing to their audience in the end...

hope I made some sense with that.
good luck with the show!

Originally Posted by Andalee

I know she didn't mean any harm, but it can be so frustrating... Here was my repsonse:
"I am an Oriental Style dancer which means I dance in the Classical Egyptian Style, so, while all of our skirts are full length, the typical traditional style of dress bares the midriff. Because I am representing a particular ethnic style of dance from a desert region I don’t particularly consider my costuming risque.

DO you think it was an appropriate response? What do you tell people who have similar requests?

I see there's already been discussion on this thread about whether or not it's okay for a customer to request a covered look, but I'd like to comment specifically on the email you sent her.

I don't see what the desert region has to do anything. Ordinary women in North Africa don't run around baring their midriffs. It's hot, but they cover up. You're not going to see any Egyptian women at the grocery store wearing bare-midriff clothing of any sort.

I don't think it was necessary to say that you don't feel the costuming is risque. That did sound defensive.

I probably would have answered something like this: "I have a variety of beautiful costumes that are conservative enough to be suitable for family-oriented events. Some expose the midriff, whereas others do not. I invite you to look at the options on my web site at ____. I'm confident you and your guests will be comfortable with what I have to offer."

Speaking for myself, I've never had a problem with wearing a more covered look if that's what the customer wants. For me, belly dancing isn't "about" wearing a midriff-baring costume. It's about musical interpretation, human emotion, and providing entertainment. I can belly dance just as well in a dress as I do with a bare midriff.

Originally Posted by Andalee

Oh no! This is the reason I have never posted anything on Bhuzz... it seems way too easy to misunderstand someones perspective. In no way did I mean that egyptian dresses or tummy covers are less authentic or oriental or only intended for folk only. I was just frustrated that someone was suggesting that what i do or wear in general is risque. I am not saying that bedlah is the only way to go or anything like that, just that it shouldn't be disregarded for being too revealing. Bedlah just happens to be MY fave type of costuming and I want the GP to realize that is completely in line with the style of dance I do and not just some sleazy club type of costuming. I should probably keep the voices in my head where they belong next time I get frustrated... in my head.

Oh, no, honey- please don't retreat into your head- you're too cute, we like seeing you around here

& I didn't mean to get all lecture-y or anything! It's really hard for me sometimes to live (& be married into) a more conservative community. I am so totally desensitized to flesh in general, and I think bedlah are beautiful- but I've seen friends who want to support my dance really struggle with the costuming. It's one thing to say "that's their problem, they don't have to watch" when it is just some distant GP concept, and quite another when people you love are telling you the costuming is putting up a barrier to their desire to see and enjoy what you do.

Good grief, *I* need to vent about all this too! Annoys the heck out of me, even if I understand where they're coming from!

Originally Posted by *Shira*

I probably would have answered something like this: "I have a variety of beautiful costumes that are conservative enough to be suitable for family-oriented events. Some expose the midriff, whereas others do not. I invite you to look at the options on my web site at ____. I'm confident you and your guests will be comfortable with what I have to offer.".

This. In all honesty, if I was the customer, I would have felt like you *were* calling me ignorant because of my request, and that you were reprimanding me. I'd feel uncomfortable hiring someone who made me feel like that. I think it's an unfair assumption you're making that the client has mistaken bellydancer for stripper. You might be right, but then again, they are requesting your services, so I wouldn't think that so likely.

I think the sort of response Shira suggested, then going there and doing a classy job, will best give you the end result you want - that is, another small group of people educated about the legitimacy and decency of bellydance, while meeting their entertainment needs.

For my 10 cents worth - I probably would have offered to dance with a full skirt/harem pants underneath, sleeved top over my bra, and possibly a body stocking. That way, I could still keep that bedlah vibe with just enough extra skin cover to please the masses.

Oh, just remembered...I too once got annoyed at a client who asked me at the last minute to change from bellydance to Bollywood for a community event, because the women had poo-poo'd bellydance as being too risque. I felt quite offended, and we agreed that I'd bring costumes for both, do my first set Bollywood style, then see what the vibe from the audience was for my second set.

Well, when we decided to do bellydance for the second set and I had one organiser check my costume...I thought, 'for decency'...I was asked by a gent to remove my skirt, as "You don't need that for bellydance." What??? It turned out that last year's bellydancer had indeed gone out there in a bedlah and nothing else

So, without bothering to mention what I told that gent (), it just goes to show...sometimes, those misperceptions do come from an unfortunate reality. And at least I had the opportunity to show that community what bellydancing should really be like. In a skirt.

Dealing with uninformed people can be maddening. If a customer has been to your web site and seen your costume gallery, you have a right to wonder what they're thinking by hiring you and asking for something else. It would be stupid to hire a troupe of Irish dancers and ask them if they could wear something "less Celtic dance-y," too. Still, you don't know what circumstances precipitated a request for "less risque," which is why it's always best to err on the side of patient enlightenment. Maybe someone had a previous bad experience with a dancer who genuinely dressed and behaved in a sleazy way. Maybe the decision to hire you was preceded by an argument where the "pros" really had to work to convince the "cons" that belly dancing was a respectable form of entertainment, and they feel they're personally going out on a limb by hiring you. Maybe someone traveled to Egypt in the past and saw Dina in one of her more outlandish costumes. We can't tar every concerned customer with the same brush. Sometimes they're not ignorant blockheads who don't know better. Sometimes they have legitimate reasons for asking, even if they don't manage to ask in the most graceful way.

If you had a ten-year-old daughter who was deathly afraid of pigeons, would you expect the magician you were interviewing for her birthday party to get all huffy when you asked him if he worked with live birds? If he bills himself as "Avianno, Bird Magician Extraordinaire" or "Peto, Master of Animal-Free Magic," then, yeah, they've given you fair indication whether they do or don't specialize in magic with animals, but if it's just "Zambini the Great," how does a customer know the extent of his repertoire? If there's something a customer has a strong interest in not happening, and if they think there's a reasonable possibility that it could happen (especially if both sides know that the customer is not an expert on the subject), what's wrong with asking a naive (albeit exasperating) question? Would it be better if they didn't ask, assumed the worst, and found a different kind of entertainer, depriving you of the opportunity to educate them?

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

Dealing with uninformed people can be maddening. If a customer has been to your web site and seen your costume gallery, you have a right to wonder what they're thinking by hiring you and asking for something else. It would be stupid to hire a troupe of Irish dancers and ask them if they could wear something "less Celtic dance-y," too. Still, you don't know what circumstances precipitated a request for "less risque," which is why it's always best to err on the side of patient enlightenment. Maybe someone had a previous bad experience with a dancer who genuinely dressed and behaved in a sleazy way. Maybe the decision to hire you was preceded by an argument where the "pros" really had to work to convince the "cons" that belly dancing was a respectable form of entertainment, and they feel they're personally going out on a limb by hiring you. Maybe someone traveled to Egypt in the past and saw Dina in one of her more outlandish costumes. We can't tar every concerned customer with the same brush. Sometimes they're not ignorant blockheads who don't know better. Sometimes they have legitimate reasons for asking, even if they don't manage to ask in the most graceful way.

If you had a ten-year-old daughter who was deathly afraid of pigeons, would you expect the magician you were interviewing for her birthday party to get all huffy when you asked him if he worked with live birds? If he bills himself as "Avianno, Bird Magician Extraordinaire" or "Peto, Master of Animal-Free Magic," then, yeah, they've given you fair indication whether they do or don't specialize in magic with animals, but if it's just "Zambini the Great," how does a customer know the extent of his repertoire? If there's something a customer has a strong interest in not happening, and if they think there's a reasonable possibility that it could happen (especially if both sides know that the customer is not an expert on the subject), what's wrong with asking a naive (albeit exasperating) question? Would it be better if they didn't ask, assumed the worst, and found a different kind of entertainer, depriving you of the opportunity to educate them?

Sometimes the actual exposure to belly dance some of the GP has experienced has been less than positive. It could have been a stripper-gram or some other performer that is not concerned with being professional or anything related to historically correct. The situation where a bellydancer performed the preceding year without a skirt is sad but I do admire the group for being open-minded to hire a bellydancer for their next event. I view that as being receptive and willing to work toward having quality entertainment and correcting the mind-set of anyone that was embarrassed by the skirtless performer. What a great opportunity to educate the public and correct misconceptions left by a former dancer's bad judgment and poor choices.

Originally Posted by *Shira*

I see there's already been discussion on this thread about whether or not it's okay for a customer to request a covered look, but I'd like to comment specifically on the email you sent her.

I don't see what the desert region has to do anything. Ordinary women in North Africa don't run around baring their midriffs. It's hot, but they cover up. You're not going to see any Egyptian women at the grocery store wearing bare-midriff clothing of any sort.

I don't think it was necessary to say that you don't feel the costuming is risque. That did sound defensive.

I probably would have answered something like this: "I have a variety of beautiful costumes that are conservative enough to be suitable for family-oriented events. Some expose the midriff, whereas others do not. I invite you to look at the options on my web site at ____. I'm confident you and your guests will be comfortable with what I have to offer."

Speaking for myself, I've never had a problem with wearing a more covered look if that's what the customer wants. For me, belly dancing isn't "about" wearing a midriff-baring costume. It's about musical interpretation, human emotion, and providing entertainment. I can belly dance just as well in a dress as I do with a bare midriff.

your last para .is awesome!..it is not about us...thanks !

I agree, it's not about us when we are hired as entertainers. Our job is to entertain, and to provide a show as requested.

It can be hard when your (sometimes quite personal) beliefs or opinions are questioned, but remember that there is a huge diversity in opinions in the world. I don't think they meant it as an attack, Andalee (just as none of us here have intended that), they just wanted to clarify things beforehand to prevent unhappy surprises for you or for them. Maybe even just a statement from you that your dancing and costuming matches what is on your website will help. [That's not always the case!]

What is sexy, revealing, disgusting, beautiful... ranges wildly from person to person. It's not an attack on you. The person hiring you has a better understanding of what the audience likes, and it's a pro's job to serve as requested. Once you get your foot in the door, people learn a bit from watching that first performance and are more prepared for the next dancer they see.

And there's not just "belly dance". There are Oriental danceS. Plural. There are a range of costumes appropriate to each of those dances. It's ok to not wear bedlah sans belly cover all the time.

Originally Posted by Zumarrad

A bedleh is more like a tutu than a hula costume

This insightful remark has caused my brain to go *boinnnngggg*. Well put.