Thread: BD Is Appropiate for Children ... How to Explain.

So I lost a party today. They decided to go with different entertainment for Dad's 70th B-day in a ritzy suburb. The woman whom I spoke with loved my promo video and did the research for the party which would be at her sister-in-law's home. We spoke at length on the phone, and she did ask about if my show was "family-friendly.; I said that I loved kids and welcome them at my shows, do a lot of work in schools and care facilities, have photo with kids on my websites, etc, etc.

Well, the SIL said it was a no go, no way. I did the professional thing and said something to the effect of, "That's really too bad that some folks are misinformed. Keep my number handy if you change your mind or have another party."

So I'm planning on getting more photos including children on my site, and adding a section to my FAQ to address this issue head-on. Does anyone else have a blurb about this that I may paraphrase? Any suggestions about how to be diplomatic and GP-friendly about this? Anything I ought to certainly include or exclude? I have my own ideas, but I'd like to get input from some of you as well.

(BTW, while we've all fought this battle before, my world-musician SO was flabbergasted that anyone, ever would think that BD was inappropriate, and had never heard of such a thing ... such innocence, LOL)

You could link to this article on my web site: Belly Dancing: A Dance For The Whole Family

Before posting pictures of children on your web site, make sure you get permission from their parents!

This type of issue is exactly why I am so opposed to the current trend of mixing belly dance and burlesque. Please, PLEASE keep them separate, folks!

The problem is that those who are uninformed will probably not read your promotional materials or watch your demo videos.

I would wager that while your client watched your demo, the SIL did not, and just vetoed the idea without any input of information. Her mind was probably closed and impervious to the idea, so nothing you could have said, done, or had on hand in terms of materials would have changed the situation.

Originally Posted by ssipes

The problem is that those who are uninformed will probably not read your promotional materials or watch your demo videos.

I would wager that while your client watched your demo, the SIL did not, and just vetoed the idea without any input of information. Her mind was probably closed and impervious to the idea, so nothing you could have said, done, or had on hand in terms of materials would have changed the situation.

Yes, that is what I gleaned from the exchange. In some cases, I try and work the potential clients around, but in other cases, like when there is a large family involved, then no. There are too many family dynamics and politics that makes avoiding this sort of situation a very, very good idea. Drama is for TV.

Anyway, I am going to seriously tackle a section of text for my FAQ on this. And yes, Shira, I'm going to seriously consider linking to an article or two (thanks!) from your site. I'll of course work with you on this.

Someone recently used a phrase something like "you won't see anything in my show that you wouldn't see in a Disney animated feature." I'd like to paraphrase that, so if anyone can tell me who first came up with it, I'll contact them.

Sometimes there is too large a contingent or even one important person (like the hostess at whose house the party is to take place) who will refuse to have a dancer in their program and no amount of explanation will change their (her/his) mind(s) I once lost a dance gig at an Arab engagement party, AFTER arriving, because a large contingent of one of the families was against having a dancer perform. I'd come with the band, so I played cymbals with them for the party which turned out to be a fun time for me. Disappointed that I couldn't dance, but it happens.

I answer the dreaded "appropriateness" question in my FAQ's by stating that 1. belly dance is derived from wholesome family-style social dances done by people of all ages, and 2. children are some of my biggest fans and love watching my shows. Please feel free to creatively paraphrase as you wish!

It's easy to get defensive, but resist the temptation! By emphasizing the positive (the swords! the princess-like costumes! fun audience participation!), we de-emphasize the negative psychological associations in our customer's minds. While it's common for belly dancers to make statements in their marketing materials like "Belly dance is NOT like stripping," I personally wouldn't even recommend using the two words in the same sentence, because it still creates an association.

Also, know that you can't win 'em all, and that any person or group that approaches the booking in the spirit of "Ehh...I'm not so sure about this..." may not be the type of crowd you'd really want to dance for anyway. It's never easy to lose a gig, especially when other people's misconceptions are involved, but that's better than possibly showing up to your gig and the hostess telling you that you'll have to go home because so-and-so complained. Or dancing your set and dealing with icy stares and/or people getting up and flouncing in the audience the whole time.

And what Shira said about belly-burley mixing!

I agree with those who stated you just can't get through to most folks with strong preconceived ideas.

There was a preschool where my troupe had danced for several years. The troupe couldn't make it one year, but I was available and agreed to do it- only to be told a week later that it was a no-go since some (when I cornered the activity director it turned out to be one) parents objected. So, we changed the title to Egyptian dance, told them I would specifically do debke and saidi, sent pictures and video links, ended up presenting pretty much exactly what I would have done anyway and we actually pulled it off to great acclaim. Sigh.

When folks ask if it is family appropriate, I tell them I would (and sometimes do) bring my kids along. They love watching it, they dance with me. If I, as a very protective mother, am willing to involve my young children in this dance, what exactly do they think I am doing?

Mind you, there are still 2 former friends who, after finding out I dance and seeing my video, so they know exactly what I do, still think I am leading my family into damnation and literally turn around and walk the other way if they see me in the grocery store. This was after a last-ditch 'conversation' where they tried to reconcile the picture of a God-fearing woman they honestly thought I was with this obviously hedonistic way of life. Gotta love a small town!