Thread: I stood up to a rude restaurant owner? What w ould you do?

Okay guys; I want to know how you would have reacted if you were in my shoes:


I have danced twice at a small Greek restaurant in my town. It's a very quiet place and the owner who happens to be a very grumpy old Greek, wanted to attract customers by having a bellydancer. The first time I danced there, it was great! The whole place was booked for a private family party and the audience was wonderful. I danced for 20 minutes, got $75.00 for my base fee plus $20 or so tips. So it was a good night, happy customers and happy me.

He then wanted to me to dance there for Christmas Eve and New Year's eve and said he could only afford to pay $40 for 15-minute show. I think this is extremely low for a restaurant gig based on my previous gigs and online research on how much gigs go for. On Christmas Eve, I was supposed to do my dance at 7 pm but he told me to wait until 7:30 since the place was empty and he was hoping for more tables to fill up.

Anyhow, this evening i went to the restaurant to go over the time for NYE and confirmation. I sat there and was chatting with him and the waitress for a few minutes and when I brought up the time confirmation, he got annoyed at me and said that he didn't need to hear it "fifty f****ing times" in order to remember. I told him the only reason I am double checking about the time, is because last time, he delayed me for 30 minutes which was not professional and fair.

So as I was heading out and saying goodbye to the waitress and asking about her plans for NYE and vice versa (maybe 30 seconds or so,) he got so pissed off and told me : "that's it, I don't need to hear about your life." and said some obsene stuff. This is when I stood up to him and said "you are being rude". He didn't like hearing that and got more angry and showed me the door. I kept very calm and said, "that's is great, because I am never coming back here" and left.

I can deal with old grumpy miserable restaurant owners and am used to it, but when he started swearing, I could not tolerate that kind of behaviour. Have any of you had to deal with something like this and would you have done the same as I did, which is not take crap from for any amount of money?

I have much better gigs anyway for double the money and amazing respectful people so I walked out. And I probably still would have walked out even if I needed the money badly.

Did I do the right thing? After all, I know that we should be proud of our art and not take abuse from people in the BD business right?

Thanks for any insight and sharing your own experience!

I haven't had to deal with this myself yet, but I absolutely think you did the right thing.

Good for you! The more crap you put up with the more he'll continue to disrespect you. Your self-respect and pride as a dancer are worth more than the few meager bucks you would get from dancing there.

Not only that, but if you agree to dance for less for him, you will only end up with other low-paying gigs where you are not treated with respect. Walk away.

I have never had to deal with anything like this- but I think you surely did the right thing.

Good for you! Dignity is Pricless. U Go Girl!!!!

Totally agree you did the right thing when he crossed your line. I have experienced above-and-beyond rudeness once (being snapped, yelled and sworn at for absolutely no reason) and took similar action.

You were totally right. I'm amazed you didn't tell him where to go when he dropped the price from $75 to $45, especially on an 'Eve'.

Typical cheapskate Greek restaurant owner. Yep, I've run into them...

Not only did you do the right thing, but you should also let your local dance community know what happened.

You definitely did the right thing! $45 for Christmas and New Year's eve is pretty much robbery.

I had a similar circumstance with a club owner - long story short, the owner failed to communicate with his brother who was also an owner and he thought I decided to book myself for an extra night per week all on my own. He yelled at me in front of customers outside his restaurant with me standing there in costume ready to perform, and told me to go home. When he finally spoke to his brother and realized what an a-hole he was, he and his brother apologized repeatedly and asked me to come back. But nuh-uh - he said some nasty stuff to me in public and I refuse work for anyone who treats me that way. I have way better ways to spend my time. I never went back.

I agree with all the above. You wouldn't put up with that in "regular" life either, I hope.
You need to raise your rates, woman! And more for holidays.

You mentioned he wanted a belly dancer to bring in business. His business must be slow......maybe because he's a jerk? Customers
pick up on that stuff.

I agree good job! He really was out of line. Do you know the other dancers there? Is he also verbally abusive to them?

We only have one restaurant with dancers, I have danced there for almost 20 years it used to pay $25 now It pays $35. if your lucky $20 in tips. So I really just dance there to stay up on my skills and meet new clients.
One very long night after an extra hour and two extra shows she wanted one more set for a 11pm table I said no I had to go she was stalling paying me for about half an hour. I was upset and tired at almost midnight so I just left and didn't talk to her for 5 years. and she didn't even swear at me...Shah

Of course you did the right thing! Nobody should ever treat you like that, especially not a costumer!

And honestly, for 45$ I'd prefer to stay home with my family anyway! I wouldn't have accepted the lower pay to start with... no money, no dancey

As for the waiting time, I'm too much of a softy in that area too *sigh*

Originally Posted by shenudance

I agree with all the above. You wouldn't put up with that in "regular" life either, I hope.
You need to raise your rates, woman! And more for holidays.

You mentioned he wanted a belly dancer to bring in business. His business must be slow......maybe because he's a jerk? Customers
pick up on that stuff.

Actually, that's the death knell right there. Whenever an owner says he wants a dancer to bring in more business RUN! If he doesn't have enough business already, you won't bring it in and he won't be able to afford you.

Seriously? $45 on Christmas Eve? That's not even worth the gas, tolls, and time it takes for me to get ready and travel to most restaurants that have belly dancing... so it doesn't even begin to cover my actual dancing AND it certainly doesn't compensate for the fact that I'd be dancing during a holiday that I should be spending with my family.

I understand that rates vary by area, but if you were dancing for $75 on a regular gig, why would you drop your rate to almost half of that for a holiday gig? Whatever you were normally charging, you should double or close to double for Christmas or NYE... but even if you don't, you certainly shouldn't be doing it for less!

I'm glad you finally stood up to him in the end, but since you're asking what we'd do in that situation... I'd have put an end to it as soon as he refused to pay me a fair price for the Christmas Eve gig. $45 is not worth my time, effort, and dignity. This man clearly has some underlying issues and I'd suggest that you stay away from him and from his establishment and warn other dancers to do the same. But in the future, if you are more firm about your rates and don't let people push you around to that extreme, they will either be less likely to disrespect you in the future... OR you will be less likely to continue a business relationship with someone who would say things like that to you.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Yes, even before I read your replies, I knew that that was far too low. So I will listen to my instincts and own values next time.

I have been doing lots of private events and gigs for the last 3 years, so I am still quite new to the restaurant gigs. And in other gigs, people have treated me with the upmost respect and gone out of their way to appreciate my art, having paid me generously and recommended me to others. This is the FIRST time I had to deal with such a disgusting individual. But the positive thing is: I have learned a valuable leasson for it all.

wow theat sounds like he was a jerk. I would have done the same thing. He could at least told you that he would pay 40, but then make it up later in the next gig.

i had an a-hole restaurant owner stall me for forty five minutes, waiting for the cheaper belly dancer to show up (i only stayed cause the musician begged me to). right before i went on, he said he was only going to pay me $75. I said hell no, you'll pay me $100. He said fine...go. i did my show and he wanted to pay me only $75. i said that i danced the full set, i expect my full money. i was there, i waited and his cheap dancer didn't show. WTF?? He cursed at me and told me to get the F out. I left absolutely livid. Told all my dancer friends about what an a-hole he was. He called me about a month later, begging me to work. he would pay full price. I sweetly told him that i was unavailable. it was the best feeling ever.

good for you for holding your ground. but remember that any holiday show should be more expensive than regular show, especially NYE!! Shame on him for being such a poor example of human being.

I think some of you ladies need an organisation/agency. The going rate in many areas of the UK is £60-£70 for 20 mins and NYE should double that...if not more. Of course we have dancers who sell themselves (and others short) but a proper rate has been (or is being ) established. Try a breakdown of your training,preparation,costuming,travel as well as the gig itself....as that relates to your fee..and 30 GBP does not warrant getting off yer bum.
How much do you think a comic,musician or singer might demand.
The minute anyone swears at you, you walk.Not the third time, the first!

I'm not sure what his problem is, but it definitely wasn't you. I hope you aren't taking any of it personally.

Yes, you handled it well. Some people want to be nasty, rude, and pushy. They will do it when and where they can. You let him know that he couldn't get away with that with you. I think he will think better of it in the future or will work with people he can push around. I think it's far better to be in a place of mutual respect than to deal with that on a regular basis.