Results 1 to 20 of 20
Like Tree37Likes
  • 8 Post By mahsati
  • 2 Post By eden_eyes
  • 5 Post By yameyameyame
  • 3 Post By Sahirah_Badr
  • 3 Post By Teophania
  • 2 Post By yameyameyame
  • 3 Post By *Shira*
  • 1 Post By indigostars
  • 3 Post By shems
  • 1 Post By Tiziri
  • 1 Post By kozmique
  • 1 Post By showtime
  • 1 Post By SamiraShuruk
  • 3 Post By BELLA_BELLA

Thread: Um...what do I say?




  1. #1
    Advanced BHUZzer eden_eyes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    1,616

    Um...what do I say?

    Just received a PM on facebook from a dance acquaintance of mine saying that she has a gig today and needs a costume, and so she wants to look through my costumes and borrow one of mine...

    I know I'm smaller than her, so I guess I could use that excuse...but I mean REALLY? She put herself out on the market and doesn't even have a costume? I know I'm not the only one who might find this a little odd...but how do I go about dealing with this situation? She's scrabbling for money (I don't even want to know how much she was booked for, that might make me explode), but that was really unprofessional...please help


  2. #2
    Mega BHUZzer mahsati's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Posts
    2,458

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    I would just be honest with her and say something like, "I'm sorry, but I don't loan my costumes." If you think she needs more detail than that, maybe something like, "I'm sorry, but I don't loan my costumes. I know that you don't have a costume at the moment, but it is unprofessional to book gigs for which you are not prepared. You may need to find a substitute dancer if you are unable to meet the customer's show needs."

    I am always amazed when this kind of thing happens, but it has happened to me and to most other pro dancers I have talked to about it over the years.
    Mahsati Janan, Dance Artist & Instructor
    Instructional DVDs Available: Fabulous FanVeilZZ I, Fabulous FanVeilZZ II, Foundations of Raqs Sharqi Lvl 1
    www.mahsati.com


  3. #3
    Advanced BHUZzer eden_eyes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    1,616

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    I asked if she meant the two that I had for sale that she had seen before...hopefully that's what she "meant" to ask to see. This makes me feel like a bad semi-friend, but I can't be a pushover, especially when it comes to business.
    lylagus and Teophania like this.


  4. #4
    Advanced BHUZzer yameyameyame's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,659

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Do you have any costumes you're looking to sell? If so, you should say:

    "I don't loan costumes, and I don't know any dancers who do. But here are a few I have currently for sale, here are the prices, let me know if you're interested."

    If someone had asked me that, I'd also add:

    "If you are dancing professionally, you need to have your own costumes. Here are a few places where you can get some:
    link to dahlal
    link to belly dance store
    link to bhuz swap meet "


  5. #5
    Advanced BHUZzer eden_eyes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    1,616

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    I have two that I'm letting go for super cheap ($50) so they should be right up her alley. They are homemade ones that I ended up not loving and now they are taking up space lol. I sent her links to their photo albums so we'll see...


  6. #6
    Mega BHUZzer Sahirah_Badr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    2,669

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    I don't loan my costumes either (save for my kidlet of course - and she dances with me and is my size!)

    I just tell people 'I'm sorry I don't loan out my costumes." If they push past this - I simply say "I have put so much time, money and effort into my dancing, they are my reward to myself." I had a few people want to take photographs in them who don't dance - and that's what I've said. I am really firm on this.
    leylalanty, Qamar60 and Zabelly like this.


  7. #7
    Advanced BHUZzer eden_eyes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    1,616

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    final update:

    Turns out it's a fire gig.

    A last minute fire gig.

    For New Years apparently.

    For 8 hours, out of state, for a sickeningly low amount of money (I won't say how much exactly, but let's just say it's about 1/4 of what it should cost).

    She's not really interested in buying a costume which means she wanted to borrow one of mine to play with fire in. I play with fire on a regular basis, but that's just it...I do. No one else--not in my costumes unless it's my troupe mate. I'm actually really upset about this and I'm not easy to upset!!

    Oh well...I have a body painting fire dance photoshoot later this evening with my boyfriend, so that should cheer me up. I can't let something like this bring down the rest of my day.


  8. #8
    Advanced BHUZzer eden_eyes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    1,616

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    OH and she booked the gig during a shift at her regular work place and is trying to find someone to take her shift for her.

    So...frustrated...with people....


  9. #9
    Official BHUZzer Teophania's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Palma de Mallorca, Spain
    Posts
    395

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Quote Originally Posted by eden_eyes View Post
    OH and she booked the gig during a shift at her regular work place and is trying to find someone to take her shift for her.

    So...frustrated...with people....
    People are extremely capable of many things, one of which is being very dumb. Don't give her your mind space! Go have a great day!
    kiyaana, SamiraShuruk and Kathiya like this.


  10. #10
    Advanced BHUZzer yameyameyame's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,659

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Why is this upsetting you so much? You're not lending her a costume. Tell her you're not lending her a costume and that's that. You don't even owe her any further explanation if she's asking. Everything else is her problem...
    beafarhana and caasious like this.


  11. #11
    Ultimate BHUZzer *Shira*'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Iowa City, Iowa
    Posts
    7,697

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    I'd simply say, "I'm sorry, but I don't loan out my costumes."

    I wouldn't steer her to other sources. I wouldn't offer to sell her old ones. I wouldn't do anything to make it easier for her to keep this gig. She got herself into this mess, and I wouldn't feel any responsibility to help her get out of it.


  12. #12
    Mega BHUZzer indigostars's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    2,178

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Just say no. I've made the mistake of loaning a pretty nice hip scarf to a friend at the time who was taking an intro class. My hip scarf came back in same condition, but she treated it- this sounds corny but really disrespectfully. Trying to be sexy and cutesy while wearing it at a drunk party, letting other people wear it, etc.

    I don't loan things out unless I 100% trust the person and know s/he understands the value of what I'm loaning out.

    It sucks some people don't necessarily respect your belongings, but you have to move on and most importantly, just say no. If this person gets mad at you for not loaning her something, it says more about her than you; why would she assume that she is entitled to your belongings?
    nani_what likes this.


  13. #13
    A journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single post. Zumarrad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Posts
    12,483
    Blog Entries
    1

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Just say no and fume silently about what a stupid foolish unprofessional person she is.
    Driving Bhuzzers away with her awfulness since 2001!


  14. #14
    Master BHUZzer shems's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Baltimore, MD, USA
    Posts
    4,549

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    I know this isn't exactly the way to make friends, but I'd express my thoughts to this dancer, and let her know she is doing herself and the other dancers trying to make a living in this business a huge dis-service by her behavior, the rates she set, etc in this situation. Chances are she wont want to hear it and she will probably think you are a b, however, she needs to hear it and I think it is worthwhile to speak up. Later on it may sink in for her and she may come to appreciate your honesty. If not, you probably don't want her as a friend anyway. Reputations can be damaged by association.

    And yeah, no way in hell I'd lend my costumes to an acquaintance, only rarely do I lend to close friends. That is just a no.


  15. #15
    Established BHUZzer Tiziri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Currently on the Georgia coast.
    Posts
    621

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    She booked a last-minute gig for a time when she is scheduled to work (and a time and day when, realistically, she's going to have a hard time getting someone to cover), without having anything appropriate to wear, and doesn't want to spend any money on a costume for said gig. She figures she can just borrow a costume from you, and asks the day before (thereby leaving herself no time to come up with something should you say no, as you're quite rightly going to). Was she counting on that when she took the gig, just like she was counting on getting her shift covered on New Year's Eve at the last minute? Maybe she assumed you would take pity on her desperation -- it's the last minute and she really needs something! -- and just couldn't say no.

    Presumptuous and feckless. This isn't a very close friend, is it? Because it's not very nice of her to try to put a friend in this position.People who do like this IME have a flair for the dramatic, so maybe you anticipate tiresome consequences if you give her an adamant no? This is just me guessing.

    If you feel you must sweeten the "no can do" blow, you could add something like, "I know that if something happened to it, you'd need to replace/repair/clean it, and that would put a lot of worry on you at a time when your finances aren't great. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with this and the strain that might put on our friendship." You could also offer to look at what she already has and advise her on how she could put it together, if you really want to extend yourself. Which is still more than she has any right to expect, but I don't know if this is one of those relationships where you have a practical need to keep it cordial, so i put it out there.
    SamiraShuruk likes this.


  16. #16
    Advanced BHUZzer kozmique's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Hollywood, CA
    Posts
    1,159

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Was she drunk when she booked the gig? She doesn't sound very serious about taking it. Does she need a ride too? She sounds very irresponsible and if she's not already your actual friend I'd steer clear of her.
    Samira_dncr likes this.
    I love dancing. I think it's better to dance than to march through life. ~Yoko Ono


  17. #17
    Advanced BHUZzer showtime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,603
    Blog Entries
    3

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Congratulations! You have been given a green light to categorize her as the type person she really is. Such lessons are usually learned over a much longer period of time. This one was a quick process so you are ahead of the game. Appreciate that she allowed you to see her true colors so quickly.
    SamiraShuruk likes this.


  18. #18
    Master BHUZzer SamiraShuruk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    4,028

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Quote Originally Posted by shems View Post
    I know this isn't exactly the way to make friends, but I'd express my thoughts to this dancer, and let her know she is doing herself and the other dancers trying to make a living in this business a huge dis-service by her behavior, the rates she set, etc in this situation. Chances are she wont want to hear it and she will probably think you are a b, however, she needs to hear it and I think it is worthwhile to speak up. Later on it may sink in for her and she may come to appreciate your honesty. If not, you probably don't want her as a friend anyway. Reputations can be damaged by association.
    This exactly. (And also explains why some people speak of me the way they do. I'm honest in a way some don't want to hear. If you want to be a pro dancer... put your big girl pro dancer panties on... and do right by the dance professionally and ethically.)
    PepperLotus likes this.


  19. #19
    Advanced BHUZzer BELLA_BELLA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,856

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Quote Originally Posted by SamiraShuruk View Post
    If you want to be a pro dancer... put your big girl pro dancer panties on... .)

    Especially the panties.


  20. #20
    Advanced BHUZzer eden_eyes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    1,616

    Re: Um...what do I say?

    Thanks for the words of encouragement guys...I didn't have to say anything else to her come to find out. She ended up getting someone to cover her shift for her and now she's at her gig. Maybe she came up with something to wear, idk and idc. The point is, someone will see her doing the two tricks she knows for several hours and will categorize her as a fire performer. Ugh. Whatever. I haven't allowed it to upset me and I got over it. In fact...I'm thankful...because the scariest part of this whole thing is...

    I was going to be her roommate.

    Thank goodness I found another place to live before going down THAT road. When it comes to friendship, I don't mind if someone isn't a professional entertainer or whatever, because that's not what friends are about. But it's when they throw something like THIS on you (exactly what Tiziri said) that makes me upset about the friendship. This isn't the first time she's done something like this. Several times she has tried scheduling casual practice sessions with me which ended up with her having me teach her a crap ton of stuff for about 45 min...I'm sorry but that's a lesson...I don't mind teaching my friends for free, but I sure as hell don't like being tricked into it

    Whatever, in all honesty I hope she has fun today. And I really hope that she realizes just how bad of an idea it was to book this gig so last minute and so unprepared. Maybe when she's on her 3rd hour and ran out of fuel and interesting things to do will she understand.


Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Statistics
  • Threads 41,569
  • Posts 597,621
  • Members 38,258
  • Welcome to our newest member, behialo


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201