Thread: Interesting issue

So, this is a complicated issue. One of my closest friends is opening a bellydance studio a few blocks from where I teach. This isn't the problem. She not only has never had a dance lesson or training of any sort, she also has asked that I provide her with my class music and costumes since she has never done this before.

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I am definitely unwilling to practically hand her my lessons and students. She was also pretty offended when I told her that my costumes were too expensive/time-consuming for me to comfortably lend out. However, I want to keep our friendship and encourage that if this is something she's really interested in, to begin taking lessons or have some sort of training. Any tips or similar situations?

She doesn't need to be a dancer to open a studio...But if she can't teach she will have to hire instructors.
She could potentially take classes from you and you could potentially rent her studio...not that that would work out, who knows.

But it probably is best to keep the friendship separate ...
Good luck!

Wow.

Just, wow.

If one of my friends tried to pull this stunt on me, I would NEVER be able to be diplomatic about it. I would probably say something disastrous like "So if you wanted to give flying lessons, I should buy you a plane?"

I wish you every success at tactfully dealing with this. I salute you.

Originally Posted by thussell

So, this is a complicated issue. One of my closest friends is opening a bellydance studio a few blocks from where I teach. This isn't the problem. She not only has never had a dance lesson or training of any sort, she also has asked that I provide her with my class music and costumes since she has never done this before.

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I am definitely unwilling to practically hand her my lessons and students. She was also pretty offended when I told her that my costumes were too expensive/time-consuming for me to comfortably lend out. However, I want to keep our friendship and encourage that if this is something she's really interested in, to begin taking lessons or have some sort of training. Any tips or similar situations?

It makes you wonder what other short-cuts she's taking in this business.

I had something similar happen. The friend had some training, but NO where near enough - wasnt even a solid beginner when she started teaching. I didnt speak up at the time, because of other things that were going on and I made the choice to keep my mouth shut. I wish desperately now that I had been very honest and given her my thoughts on it from the start.

What an awkward situation for you. It doesn't matter how long you've been friends, you are under no obligation to enable her. Prepare yourself to say no, repeatedly, and with no explanation or justification. Excuses can just invite further argument.

I've had students come to me about teaching and with some of them I've had to state clearly that I do not support them teaching other people (no insurance, not enough training etc.). Of course this doesn't make me popular, but that doesn't matter, I'm not trying to be their friend.

That's pretty disrespectful. First thing I would do is re-evaluate the friendship.

Originally Posted by thussell

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation.

This is very simple. Tell her, "No."

Originally Posted by thussell

She was also pretty offended when I told her that my costumes were too expensive/time-consuming for me to comfortably lend out.

What an appalling sense of entitlement!

Let her buy her own equipment for running her business. If she was opening a restaurant, would she expect to borrow your kitchen dishes and flatware to use in serving her customers? If she was going to start a service cleaning people's houses, would she expect to borrow your vacuum cleaner and cleaning rags?

Originally Posted by thussell

However, I want to keep our friendship.

Why? This doesn't sound like much of a friendship to me. This sounds like somebody who uses the people in her life, bullies them if they try to set boundaries, and discards them when they refuse to be exploited. Why would you want to keep someone like that around?

Is your friend perhaps a lunatic?

Is she really going to try to teach or maybe could it be that she will be hiring teachers???? There is no way you need to be part of her delusion.

Huhh? What?? Why? How???

Over here we have established dancers having trouble keeping one or a couple group classes going at studio spaces they *rent.* Who in their right mind would open up their own studio for a dance they have no training in, in a business they know nothing about? And just all of a sudden like that? No planning? Huhh? I am dazed and confused.

Originally Posted by yameyameyame

Huhh? What?? Why? How???

Over here we have established dancers having trouble keeping one or a couple group classes going at studio spaces they *rent.* Who in their right mind would open up their own studio for a dance they have no training in, in a business they know nothing about? And just all of a sudden like that? No planning? Huhh? I am dazed and confused.

a lot of ppl do just that...and not just in dancing but in a lot of biz forms idk why

She is either on drugs, or needs to be.

Originally Posted by tigerb

Wow.

Just, wow.

If one of my friends tried to pull this stunt on me, I would NEVER be able to be diplomatic about it. I would probably say something disastrous like "So if you wanted to give flying lessons, I should buy you a plane?"

I wish you every success at tactfully dealing with this. I salute you.

Haha I love that!

Wow guys! I'm glad I just wasn't over-reacting to any of this. I invited her over yesterday to talk about it and I was very proud that I stood my ground. If anyone of you know me, I haaate confrontation. I'm so easy-going, so that was a big step for me. And yes, she may be a lunatic or on drugs because after my speech on how it's unethical for people to pay her to teach them something she doesn't know, she still managed to ask where I kept my costumes!!! Omg!

Needless to say, I just told her I couldn't and wasn't willing to help. What a friend! Thanks for all your support! I hope no one has this issue in the future, but just in case, it's good to know all of you are out there to help and offer support

Good for you for standing your ground! You did the right thing.

This is the craziest thing I ever heard of. You definitely didn't overreact.

Originally Posted by Lauren_

This is the craziest thing I ever heard of. You definitely didn't overreact.

I'm in complete agreeance.

I had a very similar situation with a close friend of twenty years standing. Well, we aren't friends any more! And she was on drugs...!!!

Originally Posted by *Shira*

Why? This doesn't sound like much of a friendship to me. This sounds like somebody who uses the people in her life, bullies them if they try to set boundaries, and discards them when they refuse to be exploited. Why would you want to keep someone like that around?

This.

wwZd ?
"wow, I'm so happy for you ! your life must be right on track! I would love to see all you have collected, will look forward to hearing your venture into music! keep me in your loop, and good luck! it is always nice to see how others have ventured on"

Originally Posted by Zumarrad

Is your friend perhaps a lunatic?

A good friend would know to keep friendship out of it. This is business. If she wants some tips or advice, that's one thing, but resources is inexcusable.

Definitely re-evaluate this friendship.

Originally Posted by EternalStudent

A good friend would know to keep friendship out of it. This is business.

My good friend, the GodFather would say: "Its nothing personal, its only business.". Then he'd make her an offer she couldn't refuse!

I'm glad you stood your ground! It helps those of us who are, like you, afraid of confrontation. It is always good to keep in mind that if a "friendship" is only one sided, the only person you are hurting in yourself by staying in that relationship. I've learned this the hard way too...

I'm so glad you were diplomatic and had the courage to talk to her face-to-face. And I'm glad this community is here to support you and other professionals like you

Originally Posted by thussell

Wow guys! I'm glad I just wasn't over-reacting to any of this. I invited her over yesterday to talk about it and I was very proud that I stood my ground. If anyone of you know me, I haaate confrontation. I'm so easy-going, so that was a big step for me.

Congratulations for summoning the courage to confront this one head-on. You may find that the more you stand your ground in cases like this one where you're absolutely confident you're doing the right thing, the easier it will be next time. Let's hope she doesn't hassle you any further about this!

One of the major head-scratching aspects of this is that she was trying to set up a business that would compete with YOURS, and use YOUR own property to help her compete against you!

So do you think she was hoping to swipe your costumes? If she'd asked me, I'd have said I keep them in the closet with my trained-professional-big girl panties.

Well, golly, can you blame her for wanting to jump on that gravy train we all know and love called "teaching dance"? I'll bet she sees the hordes of people who take bellydance classes and sees the vast numbers of people you have to turn away for lack of space in your classes. And I'll bet that she sees that the Rolls Royce you drive is always clean and sparkling; your chauffer has lots of time to keep it spiffy while waiting for you. Be smart now, and don't let on where those suitcases of cash are being stashed until you finally have a free moment to take them to the bank and let one of your financial advisors help you to decide what real estate investment you ought to make to really capitalize on your bellydance fortune.