Thread: My very first....uh..."admirer"

Whoa. I just had to share this email I got last night because it struck me as....odd. I did a few shows and handed out a few cards Saturday night, so I cannot remember who this guy is. Still, I wanted to see what you all thought....does this have "belly stalker" potential? Yikes...


His first email:

From: obelix303 (at) yahoo.com [mailto:obelix303 (at) yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 07:24 PM
To: summer@firebellydance.com
Subject: Your performance

Hello Summer,

My name is Stephen and I was at your dance performance at Negeen Restaurant (at the big table) on Saturday evening. It was lovely and so were you!

I know it is out of character on my part to be contacting you through your business email and I hope you understand and forgive me for that. I'm pretty sure you get a lot of unwelcome attention from men and I'm guessing it is a challenge sometimes for you to know that and yet allow yourself to be open and for your sensual beauty to shine through your dance in connecting with your audience. I think it takes courage and an understanding of the sacredness of performing arts to be able to do what you do and I really commend you for that :)

I would like to ask you to please consider me taking you out on a (lunch) date (no presumptions of any kind of course) at a time and place of your convenience. I would love to sit across from you at a table and get to bask in your beauty once again talking with you. Please try not to dismiss me as being superficial, I assure you that I am not, and that you have aroused in me something deeper.

(If/when you tell me it is OK I will be delighted to give you a call).

Best regards,
Stephen


Then my response:

From: "summer@firebellydance.com" <summer@firebellydance.com>
To: obelix303 (at) yahoo.com
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 6:47:25 PM
Subject: Re: Your performance

Hi Stephen,
That is all very nice of you, and I'm very glad you enjoyed the show. However, I am actually engaged to be married next year, and it's probably not appropriate to have a lunch date with another. I do appreciate all the lovely things you mentioned below, and perhaps I shall see you at another show at a restaurant in the future.
Best regards,
Summer


...continued below.....

Then his:

Hi Summer,

Thank you very much for your response. I fully respect your relationship and your decision to not go out with me. If I did not share your moral values I would have insisted :)

I have to tell you that you have stirred me up all inside since Saturday and I do understand that it is part of life to gracefully accept the realities. I hope you do not feel I am full of it by saying that it will take me time to get over the fact that you belong to someone else. I hope he takes care of you and I wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart in all areas of your life.

I am left with a kind of grief that I will perhaps never be able to express my feelings and share you the way I see you through my eyes. You strike me as a very determined and functional person and I am sure you will get what you want out of your life.

Wish you the best of luck and please put me on your fan mailing list of the dancing events you will be performing at.

Best regards,
Stephen


I guess I just wanted to put this out there for South Bay dancers because it struck me as much more than just a complimenting "wanna go out with me?" email. I think it's the way he words things is just SO over the top.....does anyone else feel that way?
..c::

I purposely left his email on there just in case any other south bay dancer runs across him....

Dear Summer,
I don't think it sounds like he's a stalker, just wowed by you. I'd say don't worry about it, but have a friend with you when you're leaving gigs anyway, just so you feel safe. Good idea in general, and be pleased you can have such a tremendous effect upon someone with your dancing; you must have been fabulous. Really, he doesn't sound too freaky to me, and I have dealt with Freaky! (hmm.. think I married him actually...)

This last sentence from his first email already made me uneasy: "Please try not to dismiss me as being superficial, I assure you that I am not, and that you have aroused in me something deeper."

I think you handled this (responded) graciously and extremely well.

I'm not engaged, but I do have a boyfriend. I just felt I needed to be firm on the wording. But that's just what creeped me out! I wasn't flattered, I felt weird and icked out by this.
"Stirred me all up inside," "I am left with a kind of grief that I will perhaps never be able to express my feelings and share you the way I see you through my eyes," "allow yourself to be open and for your sensual beauty to shine through..."

yeah using the words sensual and aroused was a red flag for me. He sounds kind of off if you ask me. but in general i wouldn't date someone who saw me dance first. i feel like they get a false sense or fantasy of who i am. i think you handled it well. but then for him to say that he would have insisted and that you belong to someone else. too creepy for me. yes definitely have someone walk you to your car.

I agree with RakGirl. His verbage is, well, alarming. Take him time to get over the fact that you belong to another? He's grieving? Maybe you can take comfort in the fact that you're "functional". ..c::

"yes definitely have someone walk you to your car."

I'm starting to think this is a great idea. I've worked at the same restaurants for about 3 years and I know most of the staff and a lot of the regulars. I can ask one of them to at least keep an eye on me on my way to my car.

you know, I would edit your message to leave his email add out, because he can do a websearch for himself that would lead here.

I don't think he's over the top wacky, but uncomfortable/ creepy.

take care out there ladies-

~lolo

Summer, you heartbreaker you!

Bit too much sugar. Hopefully he will learn this is a huge turn off and just creeps women out.

Maybe he's sensitive, or a writer perhaps. That may be why he chooses those words. I think he was truly impressed by you and he felt compelled to try to ask you out and get to know you. I wouldn't worry about it if it were me. Unless he pushes further, which I don't think he will. I know a few guys that are dancer "groupies" with no chance of ever dating the dancer, and they know that but it doesn't stop them from going to see the dancers perform.

P.S. I agree with loloup, I would edit your post and take out his email. Not because I think he's creepy, but because in my opinion, it's just like putting someone on a mailing list they don't want to be on or selling their info. IMO.

I might be a little creeped out by this--I can definitely see why your hackles were raised! I probably would not have replied at all (though your email was really, really good), but if he contacts you again I would just delete it (or maybe keep in a file, just in case). And I assume you will not add him to your events list!!

And damn, that must have been some show, woman! ;)

creepy!

These guys are amazing - call it "art" & sacred , say you've stirred something deep within (yeah, we know what) and how beautiful you are and you're supposed to believe it?

Unfortunately, I think the schtick is pretty well traveled and used. My eyebrow automatically goes up anytime a guys says how sacred and artistic BD is.

I'm not sure if this guy is stalker material or not, but would personally be creeped out to recieve an email like that. There's just something unnerving about such naked adoration and pedestal worshipping by a guy who's never actually *met* you. It gives me the sense that he and reality may not be that well aquainted, if you get my drift. More likely, though, he's harmless and just needs his TMI filter adjusted.

However, in his second email, this caught my eye:

"I will perhaps never be able to express my feelings and share you the way I see you through my eyes."

I might be reading too much into it, but to me it reads that he thinks there's still a chance that the two of you could someday, somehow make a love connection. I'd definately omit him from your mailing list, as he might see any incoming mail from you as a sign of interest on your part.

It's amazing how poetic a guy can be if he thinks it will get him laid.

Stirred something deep within him, eh? Euphemism if I ever heard one.

Infactuated. Whew...yes, please be careful. Not too far away from obsessed. And next time I wouldn't even include the "and perhaps I shall see you at another show at a restaurant in the future" part of your email. It could be misconstrued as encouraging.

you know, something else just struck me. you don't even know what this guy looks like (other than 'one of the group at the big table'). He goes on and on about your good looks. Since beauty is apparently so important, did he include a photo? Is he devastatingly handsome? Average? Pear-shaped? Inquiring minds want to know!

Originally Posted by Monica

I might be a little creeped out by this--I can definitely see why your hackles were raised! I probably would not have replied at all (though your email was really, really good), but if he contacts you again I would just delete it (or maybe keep in a file, just in case). And I assume you will not add him to your events list!!

And damn, that must have been some show, woman! ;)

Believe me, if I even HAD a mailing list of events, I would totally NOT put him on it! LOL!
And I did edit my post to muddle his email a bit....is that not enough for him to search for himself and not run into this conversation here?

hmmmm.... do be careful. If he starts showing up at your performances (if he does he won't be able to help letting you know who he is) then you should start to worry. Had a similar thing happen to me a few years ago. This particular guy started showing up EVERYWHERE and just creeped me out. I actually had a friend of a friend (who knew him) ask him to stay away. He was beginning to get very close to me physically, and it was pretty unnerving.
Your guy may be normal and brave, or he might be freaky. You just never know.....

actually, i had emails like this a few times, they usually dont creep me out, depending on whether or not they are worded "nice" (and i actually thought this one was ok) they get a total brush off reply/no reply/a nice reply. mostly they then dont bother to write back..

and a tip: i sometimes pretend i'm my assistant when answering these kind of emails. as if they havent reached me but my "business". well sometimes that's even true...(i have a few students helping with enrollments, and when i'm organising workshops and a show i'm usually doing it together with another dancer and we both take care of a share of the mails).
or i send something that sounds like a standard reply i send to alll fan mail, totally ignoring the specifics of his email, and that also sounds as if someone else might have answered it.

"thank you for your email. we are glad you like the show"

Artemisia & Team

I love the "assistant" response. It seems like there is an extra layer of people around you. You could also respond to those kind of things as a "manager" (or a "manager/husband" to give off the vibe that you have some kind of controlling husband who books your shows and might own firearms!).

This probably won't be last time this happens. Guys do get fixated on dancers. I had several phone calls and texts from one bloke who went so far as to declare undying love for me. In the end, my boyfriend had to speak to him and warn him off. I've been followed to my car by some guy who simply would not leave me alone. And the worst of it is, you need to do absolutely nothing to encourage them. My dance persona is quite aloof. I go to the gig, dance and then come away. I try to be as 'untouchable' as possible. I rarely fraternise with either staff or customers. But this kind of thing still happens.

Originally Posted by mish_mish

I love the "assistant" response. It seems like there is an extra layer of people around you. You could also respond to those kind of things as a "manager" (or a "manager/husband" to give off the vibe that you have some kind of controlling husband who books your shows and might own firearms!).

I do this all the time. My voice mail says "You have reached Galatea Middle Eastern Dance. We are sorry to have missed your call...", and my website and newsletter verbiage is all written in 3rd person. I've had a couple of dance friends joke that, if they didn't know any better, they would think I had staff on hand! ..l;,

Summer
This guy sounds uber-creepy to me! His overly flowery wording, his insistence on taking you out. Wow. I've had admirers before but this is definitely over the top!

Definitely BE CAREFUL. Especially since you don't remember the guy or what he looks like. Also, I would consider deleting/editing your post about your finance/boyfriend (post #6)... you never know... he might be a lurker on this site.

Originally Posted by SummerSahar

I hope you do not feel I am full of it by saying that it will take me time to get over the fact that you belong to someone else.

It's the 'belong to someone else' bit that's creepy. Like you are your fiance's couch or stereo.

eeep! its all a bit too much to me, too!

Sounds like a fan of the Gor novels