Thread: Sorry for my following rant... but how rude is to rude?

Hi Arella, I did go through the same experience once, and that along with so many more bad experiences was the reason why I quit the restaurants and club gigs.
Here is what happened:

There were 2 dancer scheduled that night, one of them was me, of course, I get to the restaurant on time, and to my surprise I find the whole placed filled with girls wearing cheap outfits and shaking their butts and getting tips from customers, this girls were obviously beginners with only a few lessons, I ask the other dancer what was going on and she introduced me to a " a belly dance teacher and performer that brought her students that night she was wearing a costume as well. I thought this was very disrespectful and asked the owner and because he was a very "sweet Egyptian man" he couldn't say no to the offer this teacher made to him to bring her students, this restaurant was in Florida and most of the tables were outside so he knew that all this girls shaking it were going to attract customers it did not matter if they were professionals or not, and it did not matter that there were other official dancers scheduled to dance that night.

What about wryly suggesting to their ringleader that your services are available to conduct workshops in professional bellydance behavior and ethics...of course, if they're that clueless it would probably go over their heads.

It is not just rude it is totally unexceptable and the restaurant owner must be made to see that its his problem and he has to do something about it-because bottom line you're not happy and neither are the customers and it can not go on. Good luck with this,it must be horrid for you.

I dunno.... I wouldn't leave it to the owner to deal with it. He probably doesn't get it. I would try to find an opportunity to pull the "ringleader" aside, and calmly explain the disruption this causes to your shows, and propose an alternative - i.e. they can do their own dancing when you are not performing, but when you are doing your shows, it is to your music, and you are the focus of the entertainment. Tell them that you are thrilled that they are there and having a great time (you can lie a little bit! lol) but that if they could just show you these courtesies and allow your show to be YOUR time, you would greatly appreciate it.

Then if they ignore what you have said and carry on anyway, all bets are off, and you may have to get more "creative"...lol . But I always believe that the best place to start is by making sure that the offenders have been clearly notified and given a chance to adjust their behavior. Who knows - maybe they are truly oblivious and think they are adding to your fun....Good luck with it!

I agree with those who suggest that you confront them personally. You don't have to be rude about it or anything, but I would not pull any punches. I would be firm with them. Let them know that you appreciate their enthusiasm, but that you ask that they respect your time and space as the featured dancer and only join in if you ask for audience participation, reserving their rehearsal time for another venue altogether. Leave no room for arguments.

I would let the owner know that you're going to talk to them about it and have people there who will back you up, if need be, because I'm sure they'll try to test you. If you have a significant other who can give them the hairy eyeball and quietly but firmly request that they be seated while you're dancing, that would be helpful. Maybe even recruit some of the wait staff to softly suggest that they be seated.

I think leaving it up to the owner may mean that it never gets done, or, if he does talk to them, they may think you've going whining to him about the "mean ole dancers who are taking my spotlight."

Hope it turns out well!

make sure that if you talk to the owner that you get some sort of written contract about anything you agree to (ie, no playing music requests, and some of the other good suggestions mentioned above). good luck, and I hope they get a clue, and fast

it seems this happens in every community............we haven't had a big issue here after a big one by ONE dancer who came to a cafe (brought by one of the waiters from another location) who started dancing in between the booked dancer's set, gathering tips (she was NOT there for a party, she was NOT paid, came in with only veil over her costume, not a cover-up, never asking the dancer, this wasn't done with the owner's knowledge either) when the booked dancer came out, she took care of the situation right there, the gal sat down............since it was witnessed by a few dancers in the audience, it spread like wild-fire and the culprit's rep took a beating.....sheesh!

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have to tell you...it does sound like the person who was counting out the steps to the routine during the time of your gig is trying to show that she has plenty of girls who are available to dance. For some reason, I have found that some dancers do not like to share a venue. Rather than work themselves into the schedule, they see value and stability in taking it over themselves. Saying that...I won't pretend to have THE answer but I have a few suggestions.
Restaurant owners are interested in their bottom line. Those customers who are complaining...they should voice their unhappiness to the owner. I also think it would help for you to get those customers who have complained to maybe "whoop it up" and whistle and show you a lot of attention upon entrance. This would take the wind out of the other ladies sails a bit and draw every one's attention to you. Also, if management hears the people "whooping it up" for you, they would be reminded of your value further solidifying your position in the restaurant. If you need help with the "whooping", invite all the friends, family, and support you can get. Also, your supporters would fill seats and this means a lot too.
I think the manager might not be saying anything because the ladies are eating and therefore paying to be there and they are having a good time. So...that is why I made the suggestions that I had. I think if you get too direct with the ladies right away, the table might turn and things may not turn out the way you had hoped. Actually, quite the opposite.
This is just a theory. Opinions? I don't like to hear these things though I am painfully aware that it occurs. I have been trying to work my way back into the restaurant I was undercut from and it is quite the challenge. :) Though things are beginning to look up. YAY! (The girl took my job for the price of a meal. He justified his hiring her due to the need for renovations to his restaurant. He did not talk to me about his need ahead of time, he just made the switch. He has been talking to me again though and things seem to be spinning in a good direction. Only time will tell.)

How awful!

Please keep us posted about the outcome of this situation.

I pretty much agree with everyone's suggestions...and perhaps I could add this:

If these people are SO determined to dance at this restaurant, suggest to the owner that perhaps one not-busy night per month (also when you are NOT scheduled to dance) that they have some kind of a student night. Several restaurants here in Vegas have let us take over for a "Shakers and Drummers" night ONE NIGHT A MONTH...local dancers who are not professional get together and perform. Usually though, the restaurant is dead besides the patrons who are there to dance.

Although it does seem like that would not be enough for said "ringleader."

Good luck!

Originally Posted by txchic

I recently visited the lovely city of Knoxville and had an encounter with a 'dancer' by the name of ****. It sounds like she is the ring-leader. If I am correct this will be a tough situation to change unless the owner/manager agrees to handle it.

Hi, I don't dance with *******, and don't know her really well, but I do want to defend her by saying that she has been nice when I've seen her out and about, and she's been in the same restaurant when I've danced, and I don't think she would do what was mentioned in the post, here...

The manager has stopped allowing people to bring in their own music -- because of this and other situations where offensive material was brought in... ***** has a strong personality, but she's respected in our community. I am not part of her dance school but she is a long time established instructor and plays nice -- she has not been party to these offenses to my knowledge and I don't think she would be...

I can't imagine any one being so disrespectful to another performer. Isn't everyone taught basic audience etiquette in kindergarten? That is just so trashy, they obviously don't realize how bad they are making themselves look.

Originally Posted by Arella

The manager in charge is a very sweet Egyptian man who doesn't want to make anyone "mad".. so he plays their stuff... next time they come in and ask him to play their music I guess I'm going to have to tell him he's making his main dancer "mad!"!

And his flippin customers for gawd's sake. This "sweet" man won't be in business for long if he allows antics of this nature to continue.

Originally Posted by Arella

Last weekend I really wanted to scream "would you guys sit the H*ll down!"
I was SO mad... the routine practice thing was so out of line...
regulars leaving and
not to mention giving new customers a scene of complete and ugly kaois...
that I could tell they didn't find appealing....

Next time a member of the paying audience mentions it to you, get THEM to complain to the owner.

Originally Posted by Arella

Shira , as for them 'showing off' you hit the nail on the head! its so obvious ..
one arabic customer actually came up to me and said... 'looks like everyone wants to be a star tonight, but they're making it hard to me to see my favorite star'

I do hope he said that to the owner too.

Originally Posted by Arella

They have slowed down alot on coming in... it had been over a month since they had... a wonderful month! But the last 2 weekends in a row with them..
is to much crap to deal with!

And this most certainly isn't part of what you should be dealing with as a restaurant dancer. I would explain to the owner about the customers' feelings, about your feelings and how your pay is affected, make it plain to him that it is NOT the time and place for a troupe rehearsal.

If it were me I would tell him to stop letting them (or anyone) put their own music on. I'd make him some nice compilation CDs that he could play throughout the night that the usual customers would appreciate, and then in theory there would be no problem.

If he decided to allow it to continue after having this conversation, then I would seriously consider leaving the gig and letting the customers have a go at him for letting a good, reliable, popular dancer go.

Don't let it continue. It's way beyond rude and I agree that it is provocative in the extreme - so I wouldn't bother even speaking to them about it, deal with the venue owner.

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted out. x