Thread: Tales from the "You Have Got to Be F-ing Kiddin Me" Files

I got this lovely email gig offer today:

Dear Tamra:

I saw you dancing in Blah-Blah-Blah Exhibition last year and I was impressed for your wonderful performance. Based on that, I proposed to the IWC of Suburbia the possibilities that you may want to dance in our gala dinner party on X date and give a highlight of the middle east region, mostly because we have some members from that part of the world.

I have contacted the person responsible for the party and she told me that as much as the club would like to reimburse you for your performance, being ours a non-profit organization, there are no funds available for this type of event, and whatever we collect for the party is for covering the expenses, which are quite high, due to the exclusiveness of the Extra Snooty Country Club, dinner and band, etc.

However, we are extending an invitation to you and a companion to attend our Gala Dinner Dance in exchange for giving us the pleasure of seeing you dance around 5-10 minutes. We are sure you will get an encore.

We sincerely hope you accept our invitation and enhance our party with your performance.

Regards,
Name Withheld

~~~~~~

Feel free to share your own tales!

Funny that, being a non-profit, they can still afford to pay a BAND and have the event at a COUNTRY CLUB.

Off to go bang my head into the wall!

Nissa beat me to it. WOW!!! Why am I surprised at his letter?!?!?!?!?!

..c:: I would definitely be tempted to write a snotty response to that request, but probably not a good idea,r:;

I sent her a reply which I hope was both diplomatic and uppity.

Here's my reply - normally I would never point out whether or not I think I'm one of the best dancers in town, but in this case it seemed like an appropriate response.

~~~~

Hello Ms. X,

I appreciate your offer, and thank you for remembering me. I understand that as a non-profit, your budget for entertainment may be limited.

As one of Dallas' top belly dancers with a busy performance schedule I cannot perform in exchange for meals; however, I can offer the IWC a discount from my normal rates, which would mean that a 30-minute performance would be $X, or two full shows with a costume change for $Y. I would be happy to accommodate these prices for this event if your group can find it in the budget.

If there is no budget for this type of entertainment at this time, perhaps it could be included in the budget for the next event.

I wish you the best, and look forward to working with you in the future.

Thank you,

Tamra Henna

That is a nice reply. One question though, would you perform for Elk meat?

That was a most excellent and professionally stated reply. You came across as a very gracious professional entertainer. I would imagine that this has surely given them food for thought to do some chewing upon. ..g.: It did not come across to me as being one bit uppity, you simply presented her with the reality of the situation. Just because our profession is considered a "luxury" (i.e., not essential) is no reason we should be giving our work away for free. How many other professions would routinely receive these types of requests? Plumbers, electricians, brain surgeons, tax accountants, IT technicians, etc. ???

Originally Posted by Bellydancingcaroline

That is a nice reply. One question though, would you perform for Elk meat?

How many pounds of meat are we talkin' about here? ..g.:

So I got a response from her, which I felt needed a reply:

Dear Tamra: I believe that the event would have also been a good opportunity for letting many of our guests know about you and get a good promotion of your performance.

We will have you in mind for the future and wish you the best in your career as a dancer.
Best regards,
Name Witheld

~~~~~~~~

Dear Lady,

I appreciate that thought, and I do appreciate an opportunity to promote myself, but if I were to be hired for free for this event, then I would be promoting my services as free entertainment, something which I cannot do. I could, in good conscience, promote myself if I was being compensated at an appropriate payrate, but it's difficult to argue with people why they should pay professional prices if I am willing to dance under certain circumstances for free.

As I am sure that the band, the caterer, and the country club are being appropriately compensated in addition to receiving promotion for their services, I ask no less. I hope you can understand my point of view.

Good luck with your event, and I do hope that circumstances permit us to work together some time in the future.

Regards,

Tamra Henna

Originally Posted by tamrahennatx

So I got a response from her, which I felt needed a reply:

Dear Tamra: I believe that the event would have also been a good opportunity for letting many of our guests know about you and get a good promotion of your performance.

We will have you in mind for the future and wish you the best in your career as a dancer.
Best regards,
Name Witheld

~~~~~~~~

Dear Lady,

I appreciate that thought, and I do appreciate an opportunity to promote myself, but if I were to be hired for free for this event, then I would be promoting my services as free entertainment, something which I cannot do. I could, in good conscience, promote myself if I was being compensated at an appropriate payrate, but it's difficult to argue with people why they should pay professional prices if I am willing to dance under certain circumstances for free.

As I am sure that the band, the caterer, and the country club are being appropriately compensated in addition to receiving promotion for their services, I ask no less. I hope you can understand my point of view.

Good luck with your event, and I do hope that circumstances permit us to work together some time in the future.

Regards,

Tamra Henna

So did you sent that? I hope you did! LOL, that'll give her something to chew on. ..l;,

This woman is full of the usual cliches. She expect you to dance for food. She expects you will benefit because of the "promotion". I like the answers you sent her!

Originally Posted by dunyah

So did you sent that? I hope you did! LOL, that'll give her something to chew on. ..l;,

I sure did!

Some people... I swear! Like you have no life and will jump at every opportunity to spend the evening dancing for them when you could be dancing for money or spending time with your friends & family?

Sheesh...

Good for you. What did she think you ? homeless belly dancer will work for food and promotion.

Originally Posted by TediThomas

Just because our profession is considered a "luxury" (i.e., not essential) is no reason we should be giving our work away for free.

Hey, boob jobs, botox, facelifts, and pectoral lifts are luxuries too, but no one has any problem with cosmetic surgeons charging a mint for those, and something tells me tamarahennatx would have seen at least one or two of those at Super Snooty Country Club.

Yep, she had all the classic arguments--but we'll give you food, starving dancer! Maybe you'll be able to book another gig because of our stupid party! ..c::

Where is Lisa/SatinWorshiper when we need her? She should be here singing the lyrics of the Avril Lavigne back-up dancer reject band song, "You Had Me at Free Shawarma"

Originally Posted by tamrahennatx

I sure did!

Good for you!!! I'm so glad you did!

Originally Posted by tamrahennatx

How many pounds of meat are we talkin' about here? ..g.:

No the question is, which cut? Tenderloins? Heck yeah! Give me both of 'em and I'll do a second set with a costume change!..l;,

Originally Posted by tamrahennatx

As I am sure that the band, the caterer, and the country club are being appropriately compensated in addition to receiving promotion for their services, I ask no less. I hope you can understand my point of view.

Excellent! You go!

i'd probably send out a reply totally ignoring the "no funds", and just quoting my rates, so they get educated a little, wheter they then book me or not

Originally Posted by tamrahennatx

I sent her a reply which I hope was both diplomatic and uppity.

Originally Posted by azahara

Good for you. What did she think you ? homeless belly dancer will work for food and promotion.

I'm sure many homeless people would be glad to dance for food. However I doubt that their hygiene levels, costume of rags and level of dance skills would be acceptable. ..l;,

Good for you! They wouldn't ask a ballerina to dance for free, why should you? Nobody at Snooty Country Club could kick in $300 or so to sponsor a performance and get their name on the program?

I really liked the responses...polite, matter of fact and elegant. Unfortunately, this lady will most likely find some starving belly dancer that will jump at the chance and the non-profit will never look into hiring a professional dancer in the future. Sad truth. But I am glad to hear a professional dancer stand up and say "I'm worth it", cause you are Tamra!

Dear Madonna

I am a massive fan of yours and would love to have you perform at my next party, especially since a lot of gay men will be there and God knows they love you too. However, I am quite poor and cannot afford to pay you in cash; instead, I would like to extend an invitation to you, Guy and the kids to spend the evening with us and enjoy a lovely meal of beans on toast, in exchange for a 15 minute performance from you. I am sure the additional exposure will really help boost your career, especially since you haven't put out an album for a wee while. THANXXX!!!

PS: If you are not available I hear Kylie might do it.

Originally Posted by tamrahennatx

Dear Tamra: I believe that the event would have also been a good opportunity for letting many of our guests know about you and get a good promotion of your performance.

Ooh! That made me mad! Like you don't get good gigs without this "good opportunity". And you can dance near RICH PEOPLE for free!

LMAO! Zum, I think this particular group might need an addendum to their letter to Madonna!

Dear Madonna:

We've rented out the Taj Mahal and are bringing in the Iron Chefs for catering. Due to these extravagances, we have no money left for entertainment. However, we know you are dying to meet Cat Cora, so why don't you stop by and give a mini show while enjoying the food and the atmosphere? Four songs will do....

PS Madonna we're sure you will get an encore.

HA! is all I have to say. As soon as I read that, my reaction was just "HA!" People have some audacity. You did the right thing writing that message to them.

Wow....they even invited you to their gala dinner? That is TOO kind that they offered to share the remnants of their lukewarm buffet with you.

And "we only want you to dance around for 10 minutes" almost ALWAYS means they keep you waiting for 3 hours, finally get you onstage, and then try to get you to stay there indefinitely after your set, to pose for pictures, or feed grapes to the birthday boy, or do "one more song!" Ten minutes, my spangled Dutch ass.

It's funny how the elite "country club" crowd really can be the biggest cheapskates to dance for. Once in awhile, you luck out and get the affluent clients who treat you like gold (one client gave me a $150 tip!)....and then there's the wealthy clients who act like they're doing you a huge favor by allowing you to entertain them.

This attitude is quite prevalent in my area. I'm a project coordinator for a high-end home design/build firm (one of our homes was in the Stepford Wives remake, and we build on the Rockefellers' property, just to give you an idea), and our clients constantly call our office and try to haggle with us over dumb things. One client recently called to ask if we could buy her a cheesy little $100 shelf from Restoration Hardware to "put some little candles on," as part of her $20,000 hardware allowance.

Now, we're living in a $10 million home in Greenwich, CT and we're haggling over a $100 shelf?

OK, done ranting for now. For Mirah and all others who were waiting for it:


There once was a dancer named Dharma
She'd do ANYTHING for a hot plate of shawarma
Her tassels were crass
Yet she still shook her ass
'Til she ran into the Wardrobe of Karma

My Tale from the WTF/Cheapskate Wealthy Client Crypt:

I booked a bat mitzvah over the summer. Client and I had several conversations over the phone, nitpicking down to every detail, which is fine by me....but I started to worry when she asked where she could get her 13 year old daughter a BD costume, and when she asked if I could teach her daughter a COMPLETE CHOREOGRAPHY to perform solo in a mere 3 lessons. (She balks even when I lowball it and said it would take at least 5-6).

Client got increasingly neurotic and micromanaging. I invite her and her daughter to sit in on one of my classes, to hopefully calm their nerves. Class ends, we call it a night.

Client gets quiet. No more daily calls to discuss what color I plan to paint my toenails on the day of the Big Bat Mitzvah! I wonder....what's up?

My friend, a costume vendor, briefly mentions the name of another local dancer, who will be doing this great big bat mitzvah in Weston on September 8th.

"What a coincidence!" I say. "I was booked for a bat mitzvah on the same day, in the same town!"

My friend fills me in: the client saw me teaching my class with my ponytail, sports bra and leggings, and decided she wanted somebody more "authentic" looking (my exact words .w.: ), and hired another dancer behind my back. Then, I found out from another dancer friend, who was hired for the same lady's pre- bat mitzvah luncheon spectacular, that she was also turned down, because she didn't look "authentic," either.

So I called her and played dumb, left a voicemail to confirm that we were still on for the 8th....and she never called me back. As for my other friend? She sent a semi-scathing e-mail to the woman, saying that this dance is about artistic expression and how dare she call us "unauthentic." God bless her.

This is where I learned the hard way: if a client asks to meet before a gig, just say NO. And if you absolutely must say yes, show up to the meeting in full bedlah, preferably riding on a silver unicorn. We don't want to shatter any illusions. Only illegitimate BDers wear ponytails and leggings

All I have to say is, I felt really sorry for the more "ethnic" looking dancer who got the gig in the end. She is far too nice to have deserved this deluded psycho lady's bullcrap.

Lisa

Originally Posted by SatinWorship19

It's funny how the elite "country club" crowd really can be the biggest cheapskates to dance for. Once in awhile, you luck out and get the affluent clients who treat you like gold (one client gave me a $150 tip!)....and then there's the wealthy clients who act like they're doing you a huge favor by allowing you to entertain them.

GAWD this is so true! I don't know how many times I've been haggled to lower my price (which never works on me. I'm a hardass.) from the standard rate, then on the night of the party I turn into the driveway of a mansion (complete with marble columns and cement lions flanking the doorway), owned by aforementioned haggler.