[Zana]

Gothique, you need help. What you are feeling is too much to carry alone. Please delete your posts for your own protection, and contact both a therapist and an attorney. You may have a condition that requires medication, but if your doctors are not also offering you talk therapy in your situation, you need new doctors. I know how difficult it is to force yourself out of the house when you're in crisis, but you need to do this for your health. Your fiancé must help you. Either of you can call your local hospital or mental health center for referrals to treatment -- drugs alone are not the answer for PTSD and the other things you're experiencing, and a good doctor will know that and will see to it that you get the care you need. But they will not come to you if they don't know you're out there and you need them: you have to take the steps to find them.

The husband in this case has been convicted of murder and is going to prison for a long time. You are no threat to the friend -- with the husband incarcerated, they are not going to come after her, so there is no reason for her to fear or harass you. The couple's poor children are being reunited with their grandmother and beginning the hard work of rebuilding their lives. You must do the same, for yourself and for the people who love you. These events happened years ago, and you must learn to stop reliving them or you will not be able to move forward and have the life you deserve. There is help for this pain you are feeling -- please, please do all you can to get it. Please take care of yourself. Like everyone here, I wish you well and hope you can find the strength to start healing.