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imo:
a "family friendly costume" will not:
1. require a nudity permit for the city in which it is worn
2. make the audience nervous they will see more than they bargained for
3. show parts which are covered, even by the tiniest bikini
4. require constant checking and adjustment to prevent "over exposure"
5. show / flash panties to the audience, unless they are matching hot pants for the costume
6. the sexuality of the costume should not overshadow the dancer or her dance talent.
7. upon viewing the costume, children should never exclaim "mommy, i can see her [insert private area here]!"
i don't know whether these things make a costume vulgar, as everyone has their own taste. these are just my guidelines for costuming a "family friendly" show, which I assume should be the opposite of vulgar.
some very exposed costumes can also be very elegant. think, las vegas show girls with g-string bootys but fabulous head dresses. [not that i think that would be a good choice for traditional bd]
i think a lot has to do with the attitude of the dancer in the costume.
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