[ozma]

I wondered if this meant we were screwed for the night. 11:30 PM in downtown Tokyo isn't a place you'll find extra fuses. Would I have to do this all over again? Could I do it? Was it worth it? Did I have the energy to do anymore bellydance fingers and vogue hands in front of my face for another close-up? Was I full of latte-gas and the realization that a bathroom break would require hands and finger use that I no longer had?

I was crashing. Momo opened my pomegranate juice for me and Nam fixed his equipment. The juice upped my sugars and the break helped me get my head straight.

The images he'd shown me so far looked great. I'd set getting pro-photos as a goal on a "Things to do before the end of the year" list I'd made myself. I want to perform more, that's part of why I need photos. When I do events folks do ask me for head shots and photos to use for flyers, so there is already a need. Part of why I have those gigs and why I want to do more is because I am a performer. Being a performer means being able to rise above certain situations, hang-ups, audiences, preconceptions and really give a a great show. I know I can do this. Why get hung-up on the photography aspect? Time to drink my juice, pull that energy and performance out from my inner reaches where I knew them to live, and do it.

The strobe was back and so was I. Game on! I learned. Even for the more portrait styled shots I learned to always move a little bit to constantly vary, my neck, body, my expression and trust that my photographer would be able to find the moment and capture it. When you freeze for a shot the rigor mortis of stopping sets in and everything tenses and dies a little.

He shot and directed. I moved and adjusted. Momo darted in every once in a while to adjust my hair and face. Momo also helped with the music, replaying favorite songs, and my mood, clapping and smiling and cheering. I performed, even when my knees hurt from kneeling on the hard floor for the last few portrait shots and I felt like crying.