Thread: pre-diabetic/pressure

Hello everyone,

I know I have not posted in a while, but here it goes... I wonder if any of you had to deal with this. The thing is I found out I am pre-diabetic and also have polycystic ovaries. The thing is that I am being pressured to get pregnant. Right now my doc prescribed me Glucophage and I am consuming 1300 calories a day with 6 times a week exercise. Three times cardio and three times weights. I want to lose weight to feel better and if I consider pregnancy I really need to get myself in a better form. However, I am being pressured to get pregnant NOW. Honestly I do not see my spouse being worried about my health. He wants what he wants and he says that my condition is an excuse for not wanting another child. The last baby I had is now 5 (I have 2) and honestly I am afraid that if I develop gestational diabetes with my condition, it may turn into diabetes type II.

I do not want to be insulin dependent. I think if I lost some weight it will reduce my chances of getting diabetes. I am not morbidly obese or anything, but if I lost some extra weight it will help me health wise.

My question is:
1. Have any of you dealt with pressure to get pregnant?
2. Have any of you taken Glucophage? I heard it helps the weight loss process (it was not prescribed for me for weight loss, but because I need it to help my pancreas).

I am just so frustrated...
Hugs,
Amani

Have you spoken with your doctor about the pregnancy issue? Maybe if the doctor says it's not a good idea right now your spouse will accept it better. I feel for you, I would not like being pressured to get pregnant at all, especially when dealing with health issues like this. I hope you can work this out and get healthy.

Originally Posted by dunyah

Have you spoken with your doctor about the pregnancy issue? Maybe if the doctor says it's not a good idea right now your spouse will accept it better. I feel for you, I would not like being pressured to get pregnant at all, especially when dealing with health issues like this. I hope you can work this out and get healthy.

Hi Dunyah,

Thank you so much! Yeah definitely we both were there when the doc said it. I totally hate the pressure... I'll be allright.

Hugs,
Amani

Tell him you really need your space on this issue and that you need to worry about your health first before worrying about taking care of another being... and that the stress of the pressure he's putting on you is not helping at all!

A friend of mine (a retired dancer actually) was taking that and eating mostly veggies and fish for a few months this summer, because the doc said she was pre-diabetic. She lost a ton of weight and looks good and healthy now. She still has to keep up with the eating and mild/moderate, regular exercise, but she's out of the danger zone for developing full blown diabetes.

Good luck to you. I hope you can get this thing under control and find a solution to the baby thing.

I'm only a med student, but my understanding was that it's difficult to get pregnant with PCOS. On top of that, for many women with PCOS, getting their diabetes/blood sugar under control improves their PCOS. So maybe you could tell your spouse that, not only will you be better able to care for a child once your health improves, but you'll also be more likely to get pregnant.

*hugs* Good luck.

Originally Posted by SomaBellydance

I'm only a med student, but my understanding was that it's difficult to get pregnant with PCOS. On top of that, for many women with PCOS, getting their diabetes/blood sugar under control improves their PCOS. So maybe you could tell your spouse that, not only will you be better able to care for a child once your health improves, but you'll also be more likely to get pregnant.

*hugs* Good luck.

Hi Soma,

Thank you so much! Yes you are right, it is more difficult. However, I am taking Glucophage and the doctor said that with Glucophage you have a very, very good chance of pregnancy. In any case, I really want to improve the situation with my health. I spoke with my husband about it and it seems he does not understand the issue. Well, at least I want to lose the weight. I think it would be best.

Hugs,
Amani

Originally Posted by Lesedi

Tell him you really need your space on this issue and that you need to worry about your health first before worrying about taking care of another being... and that the stress of the pressure he's putting on you is not helping at all!

A friend of mine (a retired dancer actually) was taking that and eating mostly veggies and fish for a few months this summer, because the doc said she was pre-diabetic. She lost a ton of weight and looks good and healthy now. She still has to keep up with the eating and mild/moderate, regular exercise, but she's out of the danger zone for developing full blown diabetes.

Good luck to you. I hope you can get this thing under control and find a solution to the baby thing.

Hi Lesedi,

This is what I am doing as well. I am watching my calories and do exercise. I definitely hope I will be able to improve the diabetes thing. I really do not want to have diabetes.

Hugs,
Amani

I waited a while before posting because this whole pressure to have kids when you don't feel right about it (for any reason!) just made me furious! What ever happened to joint decisions and trusting/respecting your spouse? I think you have some serious trust issues & insecurities you may need to deal with, just as serious as your health issues, but I don't know the situation, so I won't comment beyond that & to wish you luck!

On a more constructive note, what if you sat down with your doctor and made goals and a timeline that you are comfortable with, which you can present to your husband. Presuming you do want more children, I think this would help him see that you are serious about another baby, but that you are just as serious about being healthy during the pregnancy, which is important for both your health and the child's!
Not vague "when I feel better" but serious "when these specific conditions are met" kind of thing.

I was very healthy for my first, third & fourth child, but even so, it takes a LOT out of your body and I strongly oppose *anyone* being pressured into pregnancy. That coming from a conservative Christian, where most families of my acquaintance have 4-7 kids (natural & adopted) Approach it with love, but do not compromise when it comes to your health. Your health is one of your family's greatest resources, and nobody benefits from an incapacitated mom/wife!

Originally Posted by angelina

Hello everyone,

I know I have not posted in a while, but here it goes... I wonder if any of you had to deal with this. The thing is I found out I am pre-diabetic and also have polycystic ovaries. The thing is that I am being pressured to get pregnant. Right now my doc prescribed me Glucophage and I am consuming 1300 calories a day with 6 times a week exercise. Three times cardio and three times weights. I want to lose weight to feel better and if I consider pregnancy I really need to get myself in a better form. However, I am being pressured to get pregnant NOW. Honestly I do not see my spouse being worried about my health. He wants what he wants and he says that my condition is an excuse for not wanting another child. The last baby I had is now 5 (I have 2) and honestly I am afraid that if I develop gestational diabetes with my condition, it may turn into diabetes type II.

I do not want to be insulin dependent. I think if I lost some weight it will reduce my chances of getting diabetes. I am not morbidly obese or anything, but if I lost some extra weight it will help me health wise.

My question is:
1. Have any of you dealt with pressure to get pregnant?
2. Have any of you taken Glucophage? I heard it helps the weight loss process (it was not prescribed for me for weight loss, but because I need it to help my pancreas).

I am just so frustrated...
Hugs,
Amani

Amani,

I think you know in your heart and mind what you are up against. Everyone posting (including yourself) is tiptoeing around the real issue here... do you want to stay married? Your life and health is of utmost importance to you and your children... is it important to your husband?

I am of the persuasion that a woman owns her body, and makes the choices.... no one else.

I hope you have family or close friends close-by that you can turn to if you need help.

Marya

Originally Posted by Lara L

I waited a while before posting because this whole pressure to have kids when you don't feel right about it (for any reason!) just made me furious! What ever happened to joint decisions and trusting/respecting your spouse? I think you have some serious trust issues & insecurities you may need to deal with, just as serious as your health issues, but I don't know the situation, so I won't comment beyond that & to wish you luck!

On a more constructive note, what if you sat down with your doctor and made goals and a timeline that you are comfortable with, which you can present to your husband. Presuming you do want more children, I think this would help him see that you are serious about another baby, but that you are just as serious about being healthy during the pregnancy, which is important for both your health and the child's!
Not vague "when I feel better" but serious "when these specific conditions are met" kind of thing.

I was very healthy for my first, third & fourth child, but even so, it takes a LOT out of your body and I strongly oppose *anyone* being pressured into pregnancy. That coming from a conservative Christian, where most families of my acquaintance have 4-7 kids (natural & adopted) Approach it with love, but do not compromise when it comes to your health. Your health is one of your family's greatest resources, and nobody benefits from an incapacitated mom/wife!

Hi Lara,

I am sooo with you on that one. Having kids must be mutual decision, not one sided one. My husband claims he waited long enough for me (5 years), so now I should really give in. I feel I am not ready to have a third child! WOW you have 4 kids. That is so cool! The way I see it, it does not matter how many kids you have as long as YOU want them and you are able to care for them and you are ready and willing to do it. If a woman wants to have 4, 5 or 2 kids, it should be mutual decision between her and her partner. If both are on the same page then I guess everyone will be happy.

For me unfortunately it is not the case. I have been accused of "lame excuses" as to why I do not want to have any more. I think if the relationship is on the rocks, there is no reason couple should be bringing any more lives into this world. As a result, I ask myself the same question as you: "What happened to trusting and mutual understanding?"

Hugs,
Amani

Originally Posted by Wallowa

Amani,

I think you know in your heart and mind what you are up against. Everyone posting (including yourself) is tiptoeing around the real issue here... do you want to stay married? Your life and health is of utmost importance to you and your children... is it important to your husband?

I am of the persuasion that a woman owns her body, and makes the choices.... no one else.

I hope you have family or close friends close-by that you can turn to if you need help.

Marya

Hi Marya,

I also asked myself the same. "Is the health and my well being important to my husband?" I am afraid that I am leaning towards "no" as per behavior I had to deal with. Unfortunately where I am, no one can help me and no one can really understand what I am going through. However, I have to rely on myself to get me through this. I realize I am not a young girl anymore, I am 30 years old, but I just still cannot grasp the idea that I would have to be pregnant because my husband wants. I explained this situation to my gynecologist and due to the area and the situation I am in, she said you have no other option but to have another child. On the other hand she said, after this one your husband might leave you alone.

I really do not think that a child fixed marriage. There is only "novelty" factor when there is a new baby, after when you go back and sink into reality what happens is that you find yourself going back to the same problems you had earlier. Nothing improved and nothing changed.

Hugs,
Amani

Originally Posted by Lara L

On a more constructive note, what if you sat down with your doctor and made goals and a timeline that you are comfortable with, which you can present to your husband. Presuming you do want more children, I think this would help him see that you are serious about another baby, but that you are just as serious about being healthy during the pregnancy, which is important for both your health and the child's!
Not vague "when I feel better" but serious "when these specific conditions are met" kind of thing.

Oh and the timeline... I DID tell him I need 3 months more to lose some weight as I am really doing intense cardio. He does not want to hear it. He said he waited enough and what I ask for are just another excuse to delay. I just feel so frustrated....

I know you guys can't solve the problem or anything, but at least I heard your opinion on things. Kind of puts the whole thing in perspective for me...

Hugs,
Amani

Originally Posted by angelina

Hi Marya,

I also asked myself the same. "Is the health and my well being important to my husband?" I am afraid that I am leaning towards "no" as per behavior I had to deal with. Unfortunately where I am, no one can help me and no one can really understand what I am going through. However, I have to rely on myself to get me through this. I realize I am not a young girl anymore, I am 30 years old, but I just still cannot grasp the idea that I would have to be pregnant because my husband wants. I explained this situation to my gynecologist and due to the area and the situation I am in, she said you have no other option but to have another child. On the other hand she said, after this one your husband might leave you alone.

I really do not think that a child fixed marriage. There is only "novelty" factor when there is a new baby, after when you go back and sink into reality what happens is that you find yourself going back to the same problems you had earlier. Nothing improved and nothing changed.

Hugs,
Amani

Warning: STRONG OPINION: A gynecologist who tells you you are have no other option than to have a child is bordering on malpractice...Do you live in a western country? Europe, US, Canada, UK, Australia? Even the former Soviet Union? As far as I know those countries protect a woman against forced sex, pregnancy and marriage.

Reading between the lines I am guessing you don't use any birth control either?

I have heard that women who are diabetic risk dying if they get pregnant. you are not diabetic yet but as you yourself stated getting pregnant could change that.

Marya

If you are not in a position to just say no more kids right now, perhaps explain to your husband that you could actually lose the child from gestational diabetes. My sister had this and was told that she could lose the baby or both could die if this wasn't handled correctly.

Add this to what everyone else has said:

If you can't touch is heart or his conscience, how about his wallet? Diabetes supplies and medications are very expensive if you do end up diabetic after having a child now (even with insurance). There are also future health care costs associated with the disease as well as the potential for a shorter AND less healthy life so HE would be bearing more of the parenting duties if you don't take care of yourself NOW.

It goes without saying that marriage is not a contract of ownership and it is absolutely wrong that he is badgering you about having another child. It would be wrong if he badgered you to even dye your hair a different color! Please stay strong and stand your ground. It's YOUR body and if you're sick you can't take care of the little ones you have now.

Originally Posted by Doozer

Add this to what everyone else has said:

If you can't touch is heart or his conscience, how about his wallet? Diabetes supplies and medications are very expensive if you do end up diabetic after having a child now (even with insurance). There are also future health care costs associated with the disease as well as the potential for a shorter AND less healthy life so HE would be bearing more of the parenting duties if you don't take care of yourself NOW.

It goes without saying that marriage is not a contract of ownership and it is absolutely wrong that he is badgering you about having another child. It would be wrong if he badgered you to even dye your hair a different color! Please stay strong and stand your ground. It's YOUR body and if you're sick you can't take care of the little ones you have now.

You are so right. Well, the thing is he is well off and does not care about expenses, however, health is something money can't buy if you don't have it. We can only take medicine and do so much. I am really not interested to have diabetes if I can avoid it. At the end I will be the one paying the price. He said my excuses have ran out. You are also so right when you say that the marriage is not a contract of ownership.

Hugs,
Amani

Originally Posted by catwomyn

If you are not in a position to just say no more kids right now, perhaps explain to your husband that you could actually lose the child from gestational diabetes. My sister had this and was told that she could lose the baby or both could die if this wasn't handled correctly.

Definitely, I think if one has PCOS it does increase the risk of miscarriage. I have had gestational diabetes twice and really I need to take care of my health to get better.

Originally Posted by angelina

You are so right. Well, the thing is he is well off and does not care about expenses, however, health is something money can't buy if you don't have it. We can only take medicine and do so much. I am really not interested to have diabetes if I can avoid it. At the end I will be the one paying the price. He said my excuses have ran out. You are also so right when you say that the marriage is not a contract of ownership.

Hugs,
Amani

This is such a rotten situation! I am praying for you!
I can tell you what I would want to do, but I don't necessarily know if it's a good route or not, or what your other options might be. I would emphasize that you are looking out for the safety of your future children by not getting pregnant while you are unhealthy. Play the 'mother hen' role to the hilt- it is not really a role you are putting on, it is one you need to BE to protect you and your children. He is showing that he does not care about the health and safety of either you or the future child- and he does need to see that. He needs to see that he is the one making excuses instead of protecting his family. Unfortunately, that does not mean he will, and honestly the stress is probably not helping your health issues!

Be strong! I will pray for a softening of his heart and wisdom for you. Be safe!

Originally Posted by Lara L

This is such a rotten situation! I am praying for you!
I can tell you what I would want to do, but I don't necessarily know if it's a good route or not, or what your other options might be. I would emphasize that you are looking out for the safety of your future children by not getting pregnant while you are unhealthy. Play the 'mother hen' role to the hilt- it is not really a role you are putting on, it is one you need to BE to protect you and your children. He is showing that he does not care about the health and safety of either you or the future child- and he does need to see that. He needs to see that he is the one making excuses instead of protecting his family. Unfortunately, that does not mean he will, and honestly the stress is probably not helping your health issues!

Be strong! I will pray for a softening of his heart and wisdom for you. Be safe!

Thank you so much Lara! I need prayers. He sees how hard I work on that treadmill and what I have to go through and that dreadful calorie counting. I guess when one has not been through this, they would not understand much.

I guess I am going to get on my elliptical now... LOL Honestly, I imagined myself being pregnant now and I am just not feeling it right now.

Hugs,
Amani

I also decided to wait a while to post. I agree with the other Bhuzzers.
Your dilema is very upsetting for me.

Your husband hasn't got a clue!

I don't have diabetes, but a friend that lived with us, had juvenile diabetes (I think they call it something else now).

His condition could become serious really fast!!!

We've found him a couple of times, passed out on the living room floor. Thankfully we got him awake enough to tell us what he needed (Insulin, or Juice).

Then there was the traffic jam scare.
He didn't bring enough Insulin, and was stuck in traffic for a very long time (he wasn't driving, he was with a group of friends)
He barely made it to get some place to get an Insulin shot.

Add to that the OTHER medical problems that can arise from diabetes (I won't go into details).

I agree with you (and others), that you need to get yourself healthy for you and the children you already have.

Your husband probably thinks diabetes is easy to control; for some it is, others have a very hard time getting it under control.
(Even with the type you are diagnosed with.)

I hope you get yourself healthy, and that every thing works out for the best for you and your children.
(((Hugs)))

Originally Posted by gothique

I also decided to wait a while to post. I agree with the other Bhuzzers.
Your dilema is very upsetting for me.

Your husband hasn't got a clue!

I don't have diabetes, but a friend that lived with us, had juvenile diabetes (I think they call it something else now).

His condition could become serious really fast!!!

We've found him a couple of times, passed out on the living room floor. Thankfully we got him awake enough to tell us what he needed (Insulin, or Juice).

Then there was the traffic jam scare.
He didn't bring enough Insulin, and was stuck in traffic for a very long time (he wasn't driving, he was with a group of friends)
He barely made it to get some place to get an Insulin shot.

Add to that the OTHER medical problems that can arise from diabetes (I won't go into details).

I agree with you (and others), that you need to get yourself healthy for you and the children you already have.

Your husband probably thinks diabetes is easy to control; for some it is, others have a very hard time getting it under control.
(Even with the type you are diagnosed with.)

I hope you get yourself healthy, and that every thing works out for the best for you and your children.
(((Hugs)))

Thanks girl! Gosh as far as furious feelings go, I have had that too, which turned into sadness and then hopelessness. He has not got a clue! You are right because he keeps telling me oh just eat right and you will not have it. Bloody hell, I need to lose weight first to get out of danger. Like I said, I am not obese or anything, but in my condition, losing weight would be best. What he does not get is that diabetes is a disease quite sneaky where it is not enough to eat right. For some it is easier to control as you said, for others it is a nightmare. What I do not understand also is his own mother is a type II diabetic and she does insulin shots every single day and yet he still tells me what I am asking for is a simple delay and excuse.

I have heard people here getting blind and losing their limbs due to poor blood circulation as a complication of diabetes. I have a very poor insulin response. My doctor said that a normal pancreas secretes 16 units of insulin to work the sugar in the body, however, my pancrease secretes 104! I mean what a difference between 16 and 104. I am not a diabetic, but I easily can get there. I work my butt off on that machine not to gain weight and to lose it. Last time I found myself begging and pleading to give me 2 more months as even 8 pouds of loss can make BIG difference for me. He does not want to hear it. I am thinking in that case I would have to refuse to have another child completely. I would love to have a little baby as I love kids, but with my health condition this has to wait. If my husband keeps pressuring me about this, I might have to say you know, looks like you do not care about my health, so I have to care then.

Hugs,
Amani