Thread: Of pooches and saddlebags.

From a too-skinny size zero (waist 22", hips 28") I ballooned to a fluffy size 20 (no sizing available - I was too miserable to measure). When the abusive husband became an "ex", the pounds slowly came off. Really sl-o-o-o-o-wly.

Now I'm an acceptable size 10 (waist 30" hips 40"). Bellydance helped HUGELY with the loss of inches - 2" all round in only 10 months! But I still feel terribly fat. I'm ashamed of my poochy stomach and the overstuffed saddlebags I carry on my bum and thighs. I see these gorgeous outfits and think you ladies look incredible and yet, hypocritically, I don't have the self-esteem to wear a slit skirt. There's no WAY I'm sticking a thigh into public view, no matter how blingelicious the outfit!

To add insult to injury, out of curiousity I did a search by size on BDS and they have only one costume that can fit me. ONE!

Well, at least there are no slits in the skirt!

http://bit.ly/foRBuO

Congratulations on losing weight- what an accomplishment! As someone who's struggled with weight her whole life, I know how hard it can be, so be proud of yourself!

One thing that I've found is not to put in too many search criteria at the Bellydancestore website! Many of their skirts are longer than 36, for example, but are VERY easy to hem! I put in "D" and "36" upper hip (since that's what I saw in your link) and got 99 results. I didn't look at all of them, but I saw many that fit your other criteria, as well (might need a hem, though). It looks like our measurements are similar- I'm a 36D, 34" upper hip (but I search for 35" because sometimes I wear things low- it actually can look BETTER with my "I have 2 kids- pooch")

Not all skirts with slits show a lot of thigh. Many of them give the appearance of skin without actually showing much (like maybe up to the knee). You can also had modesty panels in the skirts, which look lovely with many styles. I have a couple of skirts with modesty panels added with safety pins, so I decide if I want to use it or not, depending on my mood (and the look of my thigh!)

It can be a challenge to find a costume that fits your body, your body image, your comfort level... And it's VERY frustrating to look and see so many wonderful things that won't fit, isn't it? I remember a thread on Bhuz where the A-B cup ladies were complaining that everything was too big, and the C-D cup ladies kept saying that everything was too small! It seems like the grass is always greener...

Congratulations on the weight loss, and be patient- you'll find a costume that you look stunning in, and more importantly- that you FEEL stunning in! And it will be worth waiting for!

Congratulations on shedding the abusive ex, AND on losing the weight. You will find a flattering costume if you just keep looking and focusing on playing up your positive traits, like your coloring, or a nice bosom, and camouflaging your less good features.

You can wear a body stocking to help with the flabby tummy skin, which never goes away unless you have surgery (I know, I lost 55 lbs and have had two children, so tummy skin is loose even at my ideal weight.)

I LOVE the fishnet bodystocking that I made from Danskin Professional Tights. If you search on Bhuz there are easy directions on how to make one.

I also wear a vest to cover my back, arm floofies or sleeves to camouflage my upper arms, a wig to camouflage my thin drab hair, etc.

A stretch velvet beledi dress from L Rose, cut under the bust and worn with a bedlah, is a beautiful and flattering look for almost any body.

If you have a trusted friend who can be your costume mentor, that would be great, and could be lots of fun -- looking at costumes, talking about costumes -- hey, sounds like Bhuzzers!

Originally Posted by dunyah

Congratulations on shedding the abusive ex, AND on losing the weight. You will find a flattering costume if you just keep looking and focusing on playing up your positive traits, like your coloring, or a nice bosom, and camouflaging your less good features.

You can wear a body stocking to help with the flabby tummy skin, which never goes away unless you have surgery (I know, I lost 55 lbs and have had two children, so tummy skin is loose even at my ideal weight.)

I LOVE the fishnet bodystocking that I made from Danskin Professional Tights. If you search on Bhuz there are easy directions on how to make one.

I also wear a vest to cover my back, arm floofies or sleeves to camouflage my upper arms, a wig to camouflage my thin drab hair, etc.

A stretch velvet beledi dress from L Rose, cut under the bust and worn with a bedlah, is a beautiful and flattering look for almost any body.

If you have a trusted friend who can be your costume mentor, that would be great, and could be lots of fun -- looking at costumes, talking about costumes -- hey, sounds like Bhuzzers!

Right on! We all have "issues"

Main thing - keep on dancing.

And don't spend TOO much time looking at those ladies on the Belly Dance Store.

Wow, you've made some wonderful positive changes in your life!

All great advice here: accessories help camoflauge alot. My upper arms aren't what they used to be so I make arm bands that match my costumes. Bling them up with appliques and fringe and the double elbows disappear. Vests are wonderful, whether they're bolero or Turkish style: I feel more comfortable baring my belly when my upper back and um, side boobs(?) are covered. As far as the bottom half goes, I wear longer fringe and layer. For example, for my last performance my belt had fringe lower than hip level and I wore flare pants, a longish fairy skirt and a shorter fairy skirt. Uneven fringe also helps camoflauge hippier shapes. Make sense?

No need to wear things you aren't comfortable with because there are so many options out there for costuming.

Bellydance helped HUGELY with the loss of inches - 2" all round in only 10 months! But I still feel terribly fat.

It sounds like you need to take some time to build up your self esteem and start seeing your body as something amazing rather than something to cover up.

It must be hard to rebuild your confidence when your life has changed dramatically as well as your shape, but you do seem to be focusing hard on the negative aspects of your body.

What looks good? Are your undulations amazing now they're not masked by fat? Can you shimmy for hours because you have much more stamina? Can anyone see the state of your thighs through a slit, or will they be mesmerised by a slender calf and well turned ankle?

I'm a fat girl myself, and I believe passionately that women can be beautiful at any size!

WORD!!! Yeah, what she said! All shapes and sizes, all colors, creeds and persuasions.

When women are self conscious in my class my instructor always encourages us saying "The more you have the better it is." Personally I think curvier bellydancers set off the dance moves so nicely!

I know how it is to not feel comfortable in your skin so I'm not minimizing your comments. I just want you to love yourself at any size (age, season, dance level etc)!

Keep your chin up. There's nothing cooler than confident dancer!

Wow, you ladies are terrific!

Thank you so much for the positive encouragement, excellent tips and tricks, and support. It's really appreciated.

I realize a lot of it is mental. I'm lucky enough to have a new, wonderful husband, a working, whole body, and a fantastic group of online friends (you!).

You guys are the best!

It scares me just to write this (and I'm looking over my shoulder for the men in white coats), but...

I hereby commit to a complete overhaul of negative perceptions and promise to post a photo of me in a gorgeous BD outfit within this year (2011).

Originally Posted by Ndi-mi

It scares me just to write this (and I'm looking over my shoulder for the men in white coats), but...

I hereby commit to a complete overhaul of negative perceptions and promise to post a photo of me in a gorgeous BD outfit within this year (2011).

Go you!

Originally Posted by Ndi-mi

I hereby commit to a complete overhaul of negative perceptions and promise to post a photo of me in a gorgeous BD outfit within this year (2011).

*cheers* I went through the same thing you did, down to the ex-husband. So first off, a massive congratulations on losing weight and dropping the other excess baggage. I agree with Lilith, - it's self-esteem. I too have some extra skin on my stomach and upper arms. I've even gone as far as looking into plastic surgery for it. But I decided against it because it's part of what I went through and darn it, I'm a size 10 now. So there! Accessories do help. A sheer or sparkly belly cover/body stocking can also give a more controlled illusion.

I've been working on core exercises with an exercise ball. I really thought the excess skin just wouldn't go away but it is helping out some. If you'd like, I can give you some links to DVDs and resources for that. Also, shea butter cream will help improve elasticity of the skin and help it bounce back (OK almost any moisturizing cream can help. I just prefer shea butter).

...I expect to see this costume picture soon. :)

Originally Posted by AislinLinaeve

*cheers* I went through the same thing you did, down to the ex-husband.

Congratulations to you too. It's a tough decision to make and act on.

Originally Posted by AislinLinaeve

I'm a size 10 now. So there!

Good for you! One of the fab things about BD is how accepting everyone is of EVERYONE, size and gender irrelevant, and how this spills over into your own life helping you become more accepting of yourself. And, of course, the support of Bhuzzers.

Originally Posted by AislinLinaeve

I've been working on core exercises with an exercise ball. I really thought the excess skin just wouldn't go away but it is helping out some. If you'd like, I can give you some links to DVDs and resources for that. Also, shea butter cream will help improve elasticity of the skin and help it bounce back.

Thanks, ideas would be appreciated. I have bought an exercise ball too, but am a little lost as to what to do with it. I've been walking, doing callanetics, and (of course) dancing. It has helped, I've lost weight and some skin too. But what's left makes my shimmies look impressive when I'm in a full skirt and a very shiny coin belt! LOL
Actually, now that you mention it, I think I do have some shea butter cream - a gift a few years ago that disappeared into the cavernous depths of the bathroom cupboard. Thanks, I'll dig it out and start using it.

Originally Posted by AislinLinaeve

...I expect to see this costume picture soon. :)

Urk... er... um... okay?

One of the nice side effects of loving yourself more is that you treat yourself better which results in being your best possible fabulous self.

Since I've dropped my 200 pound albatross (ex) I've lost weight (eating better), have more energy (more dancing, whoo hoo!) and feel like I deserve to have pretty hair (so I'm growing it out).

The positive changes are making an impact on my professional life because I just got my first paid bellydance gig!

Keep up the good work ladies and yes, it's okay to eat that cookie (er, sugar cookies in my case, ahem).

Originally Posted by Doozer

The positive changes are making an impact on my professional life because I just got my first paid bellydance gig!

Keep up the good work ladies and yes, it's okay to eat that cookie (er, sugar cookies in my case, ahem).

Congratulations to you as well and congrats on the gig too! I agree that it is totally OK to eat that cookie if you want. Indulgence is good in moderation. :)

Originally Posted by Ndi-mi

I hereby commit to a complete overhaul of negative perceptions and promise to post a photo of me in a gorgeous BD outfit within this year (2011).

Oooh, I picture you in a peacock bedlah....

Originally Posted by Ndi-mi

To add insult to injury, out of curiousity I did a search by size on BDS and they have only one costume that can fit me. ONE!

first, congrats on getting rid of the boy you were with (if he were a man he wouldn't have been abusing you ) and congrats for getting healthier.

i find very few costumes that fit me on BD store too, im a size 6.... or 8... or 4, depending on the store/garment (actually, in the limited i'm all 3 of those sizes in one suit. 4 coat, 6 skirt, 8 pants. ) it's total hit or miss, one day they might have nothing for you, in a month they might have pages. i second using fewer search criteria.
and hey, if you keep up the track you're headed on you might just decide that you deserve a blingalicious custom job anyway! ^_~

Originally Posted by Doozer

One of the nice side effects of loving yourself more is that you treat yourself better which results in being your best possible fabulous self.

Since I've dropped my 200 pound albatross (ex) I've lost weight (eating better), have more energy (more dancing, whoo hoo!) and feel like I deserve to have pretty hair (so I'm growing it out).

The positive changes are making an impact on my professional life because I just got my first paid bellydance gig!

Keep up the good work ladies and yes, it's okay to eat that cookie (er, sugar cookies in my case, ahem).

Doozer that is AWESOME. When you have a chance - pix?

Look for costumes on you're own at the website, I went by one they suggested and it was HUGE on me!!! Things are ALL alter-able, no matter what.
We all have cellulite, bulges, stretch marks, pimples, scars, etc. They make us who we are. I encourage my students to dance for "you", not anybody else. That's what it's all about.
You are amazing already: you're a belly dancer, despite your being uncomfortable with you body. Most people NEVER get to "belly dancer" level!! KEEP GOING AND BE YOURSELF!!!
And congrats on ditching the loser!