Thread: Busty Belly Dancer needs advice

How much cleavage is too much? I always feel the need to add a modesty panel to my costume bras because I feel like I'm just offensive without it. My latest costume fits me really well, but I still feel like my chest is too prominent. I wear a 36DD street bra and they fit well. But in costumes, I never know what size I am. I just ordered a custom costume from Egypt and the DD does not fit at all, in fact, it is at least two sizes too small. Maybe Egyptian sizing is smaller than US sizing? Should I continue to add the modesty panel or learn to love my cleavage? I hate altering the costume and everyone knows I'm trying to cover my chest. Any advice?

too much cleavage is cleavage that makes *you* uncomfortable. A bra should *fit* so as to avoid unintended rolls/exposure, but unless you are trying to cater to a specific crowd (trying to maintain family friendly gigs, for example) how much you are willing to bare to the crowd is more a matter of *your* comfort. I add bra cuffs too, and sometimes I still feel too bare, but sometimes I want to be a little daring. You don't have to stay the same forever, you don't even have to have the same amount of coverage from night to night if you don't want to. It is harder to find more covering costumes, but if you are having something custom made, detail exactly what you want and don't accept anything less!

It makes me sad that there are people in our community who will try to make others feel bad for covering up too much, and yes, I have experienced this. It is very frustrating, when I want the primary concern to be my dancing rather than how much or how little I am showing.

Originally Posted by Loliana

How much cleavage is too much? I always feel the need to add a modesty panel to my costume bras because I feel like I'm just offensive without it. [...] Should I continue to add the modesty panel or learn to love my cleavage? I hate altering the costume and everyone knows I'm trying to cover my chest. Any advice?

I can't answer the question about sizing, except to say that manufacturing is not standardized. ME costumers don't only sell to US dancers, and we sometimes have different expectations of sizing than other parts of the world. Also, some costumers seem to have pretty bizarre ideas about the human body (e.g., the infamous dinner-plate bras). You just have to look around for someone who makes costumes that make sense on your body, and do your best to communicate with the seller before buying.

The other part of your question is easy. How much cleavage is the right amount? As much as you're comfortable with. If you're not comfortable letting a lot hang out, that self-consciousness will show in your dancing to negative effect, so don't. Modify your costumes, look for styles that give more coverage at the top, wear big, bib-like necklaces or veil drapes (as style permits on the latter), do what you gotta do. Audiences want to see a dancer who is into her music and enjoying her performance, not a dancer who spends her time on stage mentally fretting, "Is it too much? It is, isn't it? I was afraid it was too much..."

Just because Dina does it, you don't have to. There's a certain expectation if you're working as a pro that you will show up looking "sexy," but lots of people would argue that having excessive chest on display is past "sexy" and heading toward "trashy." Of course, a lot of it comes down to what you can carry off. People are very adept at reading body language. If you step onstage with an attitude of "Yeah, I've got breasts, and they're well secured in an attractive and properly sized costume. Now, are you here to watch me dance or not?" you can get away with a more revealing costume than if you're uncomfortable in what you're wearing.

I feel your pain! I am also a DD in addition to being petite. Finding my size is impossible and I'm tired of cramming the girls into cups 2-3 sizes too small! *sighs*

I have extended my cups to cover cleavage and no one ever said anything about it. When I had a Neckelmann's that ran small I took the necklace and added it to the top of the cups to get more coverage. It actually looked pretty good and when I shared the tip with others here on Bhuz a few did the same. Another option is to find a decorative trim that matches and add that to the top of the cups. Just be sure to put something soft under it because trim tends to irritate the skin after a while. I've also added a panel of fabric in between cups before, but I tried to make sure it looked like it belonged there as a decorative piece rather than being added just to cover cleavage. No one's ever said anything about it. Here is a picture: you can't see but I scrunched the fabric (called ruching I think?) to make it appear more decorative: http://dimadance.com/wp-content/uplo...9/076Lotus.jpg

I think as long as you make sure the cover fits in well with the costume people won't really notice it and it won't be a problem. Another option is to find costumes that don't have a typical bra top style and go for something like a vest top or a top which peaks in the center like a halter top.

I myself have resigned to making my costumes until I can afford custom made, and I'm not confident custom will solve the problem either. It's very common for a "DD cup" to show up and really be a C, and it's such a hassle to get it corrected you may as well just resell the costume. So if you don't already, start learning to sew your own bra/belts.

Another option, if you're lucky, is finding someone in your area who can make costumes for you. That way you can have them fitted in person and you know they will be right.

Good luck!

Just wanted to echo that the amount of cleavage that is appropriate is the amount *you* feel comfortable with! I am a 36 D/DD (gained some weight so I'm closer to DD at the moment).

I prefer to wear more revealing bras and love Sahar costumes and Dina style bras (in appropriate venues). I also tend to wear smaller bras - usually a C cup. I know, it sounds weird but sometimes wearing a giant DD bra makes me feel more, um, prominent than a smaller cup that still accommodates me.

(Feel free to check out my gallery at Fatima Bassmah - Philadelphia, PA Belly dancer and instructor to see some examples)

Also, some Egyptian designers have a hard time grasping that bras come in such big sizes, so bra sizing can be hit or miss depending on the designer. Just like any custom order, bras may be too big or small, hip size can vary, etc.

Thank you for this advice. Though belly dancing has made me love my body more, I am still self-conscious about my chest. I think that in time, I will learn to appreciate it. The pictures are great, thank you for sharing.

Originally Posted by Loliana

Thank you for this advice. Though belly dancing has made me love my body more, I am still self-conscious about my chest. I think that in time, I will learn to appreciate it. The pictures are great, thank you for sharing.

Try breast feeding 4 kids- you get over appreciating it to just not caring and wondering why everyone else is making such a big deal!

I cover out of respect for my hubby & friends who *are* bothered by it- even if I don't really get it. Okay, I get it on a cerebral level, it just doesn't make sense to me on a gut/instinctual level.

I am uncomfortable showing more than the bare minimum of cleavage. After a major weight loss and breastfeeding, my chest is extremely wobbly and prone to spillage even in a bra that fits well when I am standing still. I look for bras that hold the girls like steel traps, and double-sided tape is my friend! I have even been known to wear two bras to ensure that everything stays where it is supposed to.

I don't have problems with cleavage and am a 34 DD + according to my bra fitter. I wear a Egyptian cup size 4 or 5 although conventional wisdom says I should wear a 6. It is an individual comfort choice. I do know that Dina style bras make me uncomfortable simply because I feel as though I will fall out. Funnily enough, I have a couple of vintage slightly more than pasties bras which hold me like a rock, so I'm not sure what that is about!

If you custom ordered your costume, contact the vendor and see if you can get the bra remade for a nominal charge. If you can, cool.

If you can't, as you are in the greater Los Angeles area, contact Eshta Amar who is amazing at doing costume alterations and actually making them. I know that she has actually remade bras for people who have had their bras mysteriously disappear! LOL!

So, you do have options. Good luck!

{{{HUGS}}}

Originally Posted by kozmique

I am uncomfortable showing more than the bare minimum of cleavage. After a major weight loss and breastfeeding, my chest is extremely wobbly and prone to spillage even in a bra that fits well when I am standing still. I look for bras that hold the girls like steel traps, and double-sided tape is my friend! I have even been known to wear two bras to ensure that everything stays where it is supposed to.

totally get that! my boobs were squishy before kids, now they are like bags of loosely gelled Jell-O. It's more a genetic thing, I think, since I have friends who still have nice firm breasts after multiple kids (oh, the things you learn at la leche league, ha!)
I started making my own bras when my old stand-by brand changed it's design. Why would you change the most perfect bra ever and make it with inferior materials and *shorten* the underwire without shortening the casing so it just flops over??? Stupid people. Anyway- you can make bras that fit and support and contain which can still be a *bit* daring, but I know *exactly* how hard it is to find one! If you were closer, I'd totally make you a good bra base & pattern so you could replicate it!

Originally Posted by Loliana

How much cleavage is too much? I always feel the need to add a modesty panel to my costume bras because I feel like I'm just offensive without it. My latest costume fits me really well, but I still feel like my chest is too prominent. I wear a 36DD street bra and they fit well. But in costumes, I never know what size I am. I just ordered a custom costume from Egypt and the DD does not fit at all, in fact, it is at least two sizes too small. Maybe Egyptian sizing is smaller than US sizing? Should I continue to add the modesty panel or learn to love my cleavage? I hate altering the costume and everyone knows I'm trying to cover my chest. Any advice?

Loliana - I'm about to send you a PM on this subject. Let me know if you don't receive it; I don't usually get mine.

Originally Posted by belladee

Loliana - I'm about to send you a PM on this subject. Let me know if you don't receive it; I don't usually get mine.

I don't get PMs here on Bhuz, but you can email me at 2loriedwards@gmail.com

I feel your pain -Im a 34G & I have a small frame - I feel like I was hijacked by ninja boobs but there is not a lot I can do about short of surgery.

The best advise I can give you is always get the cup measurements before you buy a costume. It has saved me a lot of grief. For me, if a cups has a vertical measurement under 7.5" I don't buy it... Also after having bought tons of costumes over the years, I know if someone who is a 34G or 36DDD/E, I know you have to get an egyptian 7 cup - especially if it's a Dina style bra. If you are a true DD - you probably wear an Egyptian 5 or possible a 6

The other thing I have done for comfort & security is make "boob catcher's" - it's a mesh halter in the same color as my costume - when worn it kinda looks like some of the halter style's Hanan does. Costume's are there to add to our dance - not to make us feel insecure or uncomfortable. if a piece of mesh can make you feel better in a costume , then make a bunch of them! I dont wear them all the time but when I feel the need - it does makes me feel a little less self conscious

Originally Posted by Tourbeau

Just because Dina does it, you don't have to. There's a certain expectation if you're working as a pro that you will show up looking "sexy," but lots of people would argue that having excessive chest on display is past "sexy" and heading toward "trashy."

Ummmm - there are a few of us working pro's who cant help this... There is nothing you can do to hide a DDD-cup, even with tasteful costuming. Saying something like this just add's to our stigma

I didn't interpret Tourbeau's post quite the same way....I'm not her, so I can only say how I interpreted it...

I don't think she meant that you should attempt to hide your chest. I believe what she meant is that if you decide to show large quantities of breast 'flesh' then you may find that that other people's perception of you may not be the one you desire.....and this may vary by location (some parts of the world/country being more conservative than others) and venue (what may be fine for a nightclub may not be suitable for, let's say, a children's birthday party)....

Right or wrong, society places certain stereotypical expectations on varying modes of dress, and those who are less 'covered' may find themselves begin branded with undesirable ones, even though they are undeserved. There are always exceptions to even this, with individuals managing to pull off looks that no one else could get away with wearing.

Be that as it may, you should cover or not as much as you feel is appropriate and comfortable for you.

Confidence is always beautiful!

Dina pushes the envelope very hard. She's definitely a trendsetter, but she thrives on the scandal her costumes create, and her choices aren't necessarily the right business decisions for a dancer on the other side of the world hoping for family friendly gigs.

Every dancer has to work with the body she's got, but if your audience is looking at you and wondering if you glued yourself into your bra because you seem to be defying the basic principles of anatomy, physics, and tailoring, you're going to create a different impression than if you wore a costume that looks like it has enough properly sewn fabric at the top to keep you from bustin' out all over. A dancer can't control that there are always going to be a few men out there who deteriorate into lecherous dogs at the site of any hint of cleavage, and a few women who think a belly dancer in a chador would still be too sleazy, but mostly all I'm saying is to stay as far away from this sort of cup coverage as possible if you want the audience to be paying attention to your dancing No need to switch to intimate apparel with this Wedding Dress - Poorly Dressed People of the World - Fashion Fails.

Every dancer should always wear a properly fitted bra, but I think the distraction is the most pronounced when you're at the ends of the insufficient-coverage spectrum, either flat chested and wearing a bra that gaps away from your body because it's too big for you, or very ample and wearing something that shows more than five inches of deep cleavage and possibly extensive sideboob, too. Some very large-chested dancers worry that it's just as distracting to wear cups that feel like sequined serving bowls, but as an audience member, I personally don't think it is. If you're big, you're big, but at least we're not wondering if we're going to be subjected to a nip slip or a spectacular peel-away explosion.

As a very busty dancer (34G) I can say that for me bra style is key. Anything with a very low centre or extreme plunge style just wont work. There is boob spillage all over the place. A balconette style seems to be the most flattering for larger busts as it pushes you up and gives good support. I don't mind being daring with the amount of cleavage I show as long as I feel my boobs are properly supported definitely not about to upstage me! Balconette seems to give the right look for me.

Thank you for all of your advice! I think I am figuring it out and I even gave some advice to a fellow "curvy" yesterday.
It's great to have the Bhuz community to help out with these types of issues.
Thank you to all!