Thread: this got out of control....moving...

Okay, is it so awful to be 32 & married and NOT have kids yet???? And maybe not be thrilled to have company with kids in their terrible 2's running wild in your house while your dogs cower in the corner???

Geez! Okay, I'm not stupid. I might treat my dogs like kids, but I know they aren't kids, so please spare me the "you'll understand when you have kids" lecture, I get it.

The thing is, I might want kids one day, I might not want kids one day. I might want to adopt. Who the heck knows. But, I don't want kids now. And, I don't want kids to get hurt in my house. And, I'm experienced in life enough to know that even though some parents are fantastically responsible with their kids, some will just let them run all over the place sticking their fingers in light sockets, grabbing grumpy dog tails (and getting bitten), and then will blame the resulting consequences on me. So, is it so bad for me to feel that way? It seems like if you tell someone who DOES have kids that sort of thing, they are immediately defensive. I don't hate kids, for heaven's sake!!!!!! I like them fine. I love the kids of close friends. I love just about any kid at someone else's house! But, if they aren't mine, I don't want the responsibility for watching to make sure they don't get hurt!!!

I mentioned today to a coworker that I was worried about my (previously mentioned on bhuz) houseguests and their 2 year old around my dog, especially when i'm dancing a party this evening & not able to be home, and he just lit into me! I mean, it will probably be fine, and my worries don't mean that I don't look forward to seeing them, or to spending time with them. I do! I like them all! I just don't want someone to get hurt!

Am I not justified here? Is there something wrong with me for not wanting kids yet? ***deep sigh*** Sorry for the rant, but I've had about enough of people fousting "holier than thou" attitudes my direction lately on a variety of levels! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!!! ..cr.:

Join the party over here!
http://www.bhuz.com/forum/off-topic/...tml#post235657

OMFG
did you hit MY nerve
i have a mother in law who says,"you dont understand, you dont have kids".
once at a family members anniversary party, she informed a lady i was speaking to on dance, "dont talk to her, she doesnt know anything, she doesnt have kids"
i was so glad she did it in front of my wife !
hell, the way i see it, i am smarter because i knew not to have kids!
hell, with all the disfunction in that family....my wife has 5...yes..5 grandchildren....and she sees 2 so far, with adhd, and bi polar.

p.s. i am 58.i have never regretted not haveing kids...i am here for another purpose!
when people assume, or get weird i smile, "i am childfree by choice!"

Whether or not you have or even like children is a non-issue.

You know your dogs and whether or not your home is child proof. Either you put the dogs in another room if necessary and childproof when the children are around, or decline they visit. You may not think it's fair to lock the dogs up in their presence, and that is your decision to make.

My sister's dog growls constantly at my kids, and no matter how many times I tell them to stay away from her... well, they just love her and want to play with her. Despite my continual reminders, they just don't seem to grasp the fact that an otherwise nice dog can quite easily turn around and bite out of fear or plain 'ol annoyance. So, they keep after her, and it's a great big headache. She won't put the dog in another room because she trusts her and wants her to get used to children, but suffice to say, we very rarely visit her in her home as a result.

Anyhow, my point is that even while my children are generally rather obedient, they still persist and could get bitten.

Do what you need to do for the sanity of your pups and the safety of the children. To heck with what anyone else says....

Do what you need to do for the sanity of your pups and the safety of the children. To heck with what anyone else says....
__________________
yeah, it's your creative space! you control it....you are the one running the show, you book the acts !

Oh! I know, I had a lady tail end me (this was a year ago) because her precious dropped it's bottle and she went to pick it up from the floor. SHE WAS DRIVING! I'm sorry if I... no I'm not sorry if I offend anyone with kids - Bill Cosby was right when he said that kids make you stupid.

Another story, my Mom lived in an apartment below this Spanish couple who let their kids jump on the furniture and all over the floor- all the time! It was so noisy I had to go up to ask her to quite them down, she told me, "They are children, what am I suppose to do?" Duh! Restrain your brats!

I'm sorry, that was a little off topic but it did strike a big nerve.

Sonja2

I know just how you feel!
I love kids, but I can't have any.

Anyway, my dogs, and cat and other pets, are my babies.

I've had people bring kids over, and NOT watch them!
I'd put my dog in his kennel, and they'd let their kid go pester him.
Instead of enjoying the visit, I ended up having to chase THEIR kid around MY house because THEY weren't paying attention to ANYTHING the kid was doing.
They had the nerve to get p*ssed when I finally mentioned to them that they are letting their kid chew on my dog's toy. (I had the audacity to leave the room for a moment).
They said I should pick up the dog's toys. Uh What?!
The kid had went and GOT the toy from the place I had put it!
I said "You should pay more attention to what he's getting into."
I was chasing this boy all over my house while they sat and chatted!

I took my niece everywhere with me (even on dates).
I always kept an eye on her, and she acted like a little lady.
I don't know why some people can't watch their kids when they go to someone else's home, and use the word 'No', once in a while.

Originally Posted by Adishakti

Whether or not you have or even like children is a non-issue.

You know your dogs and whether or not your home is child proof. Either you put the dogs in another room if necessary and childproof when the children are around, or decline they visit. You may not think it's fair to lock the dogs up in their presence, and that is your decision to make.

My sister's dog growls constantly at my kids, and no matter how many times I tell them to stay away from her... well, they just love her and want to play with her. Despite my continual reminders, they just don't seem to grasp the fact that an otherwise nice dog can quite easily turn around and bite out of fear or plain 'ol annoyance. So, they keep after her, and it's a great big headache. She won't put the dog in another room because she trusts her and wants her to get used to children, but suffice to say, we very rarely visit her in her home as a result.

Anyhow, my point is that even while my children are generally rather obedient, they still persist and could get bitten.

Do what you need to do for the sanity of your pups and the safety of the children. To heck with what anyone else says....

Yes, this is my point. I do like kids, and that's the whole reason I'm worried...not because I hate them! I don't want them to get hurt. But, i also don't want to have to squirrel my dogs away and hear them whine and cry because they are not able to get in the areas they are normally in.

For now, I have a baby gate that I will respectfully ask the guests (they are my husbands' cousin & her family, so I can't really ask them not come) to put between the room the baby is in and the dogs are in. That way at least the dogs can see everyone, but can't bite the baby.

I just really was upset that my coworker yelled at me for being worried. It's called "LIABILITY". Heellllloooo.......

I took my niece everywhere with me (even on dates).
I always kept an eye on her, and she acted like a little lady.
I don't know why some people can't watch their kids when they go to someone else's home, and use the word 'No', once in a while.

.........because people who should not have kids, have them

Originally Posted by jasani

Another story, my Mom lived in an apartment below this Spanish couple who let their kids jump on the furniture and all over the floor- all the time! It was so noisy I had to go up to ask her to quite them down, she told me, "They are children, what am I suppose to do?" Duh! Restrain your brats!

Actually, it's not about restraint. What are the parents supposed to do? Yell at them? Spank them? They've got energy to burn. What they need to do is to go outside and play instead of burning their energy at the expense of others in a cramped apartment. Kids are full of energy... they just are.

You can't make a person do anything. What this couple needs to do is take their children outside to play. Sometimes you just have to put things on hold and work these things out, spend some time with them... run around... take 'em to the park. But I don't think it's fair to call them brats.

Speaking as a mom of three kids... and with all due respect.

My kids are good, but if they are cooped up inside all day, well... they start acting like wild little monkeys. Get them outside to play for a little while, and they're just fine.

Originally Posted by Sonja2

Yes, this is my point. I do like kids, and that's the whole reason I'm worried...not because I hate them! I don't want them to get hurt. But, i also don't want to have to squirrel my dogs away and hear them whine and cry because they are not able to get in the areas they are normally in.

For now, I have a baby gate that I will respectfully ask the guests (they are my husbands' cousin & her family, so I can't really ask them not come) to put between the room the baby is in and the dogs are in. That way at least the dogs can see everyone, but can't bite the baby.

I just really was upset that my coworker yelled at me for being worried. It's called "LIABILITY". Heellllloooo.......

The baby gate sounds like a great resolve to the situation and your coworker? Sounds like he's got a thorn up his butt.

I have frankly noticed a disturbing trend of nobody reining their children in. If their kids are insufferable brats, they think it's cute or excusable. I see the kinds of things I would have gotten walloped for in my own childhood.

I have also had people say, "What do you know, you don't have kids"...certainly I don't, but I do remember what it was like to BE one. I remember how I thought back then, the things I did to manipulate adults, and I was a holy terror. A few of my friends have incredibly well-mannered children who are a treat to be around. So it is obviously an attainable goal to have them behave.

Originally Posted by zamora

I

.........because people who should not have kids, have them

That's really True! People should think about if they are going to be able to take care of kids or have the energy before they pop them out. Kids are a responsibility and alot of people leave that responsibility to everyone else who is around them. it drives me nuts!

Originally Posted by mrsnj20

That's really True! People should think about if they are going to be able to take care of kids or have the energy before they pop them out. Kids are a responsibility and alot of people leave that responsibility to everyone else who is around them. it drives me nuts!

I hear you loud and clear. I wish too, people would re think sometimes. It's bad here in S.Carolina. There are so many women on welfare that pop babies out every 14 months, so they can get more money. In the long run they aren't getting anymore money than they had before b/c it all goes into diapers and formula. Why, why do people do this?

I think it's really stupid of people to treat you like that. If your dog is not used to kids, it's not a good situation for any of you.

I think it's really no one's damn business if you don't want to have kids or don't have kids. And unless your kids are really affecting other people (excessive noise, can't really afford them in a dire way, etc.), that's no one's business either. I still am amazed how women are so often reduced to the role of mother and are so scrutinized for it. Besides simply not wanting kids (I think it's brilliant how strangers think they can access your desire/capabilities of being a parents), what if you're trying and can't conceive? I can't imagine what it would feel like for women in that situation.

Haaaaaaaaaaaa! This is the story of my life.

Of course, I'm 25 and single, so the catch-phrase is always "Oh sweetie, you'll change your mind once you grow up/settle down/find the right man. I was just like you and now I have six of 'em!" Usually followed by a pitying smile, visually equivalent to a little pat on the head.

Childfree life does make dating damn near impossible. Guys can be twice as adamant about wanting kids as women, probably because they don't have to lug the equivalent of a large watermelon inside them for 9 months, push it out, and (as statistics still prove in this progressive day and age) cook for it and clean up after it. It is very, very difficult to find men who have lifestyles and aspirations that are comparable to mine and who don't pass judgement on my decision once they find out.

I remember my parents teaching me how to act respectfully around animals from the time I was very, very small. "My little snowflake doesn't know better" is NOT an acceptable excuse for kids molesting other people's pets. Playing nice with animals is one lesson to teach your kids when you're teaching them about good manners....then again, it's disturbing how few parents seem to care about raising their kids to function successfully as a part of human society anymore. I'm glad I learned to mind my P's and Q's.

God, am I making myself sound old....

kids that are raised right are a joy to be around....little devils that are out to torment animals are not...

i have a dog and a 5 month old...i don't leave them in the room together un-supervised because i know the kind of death grip my little baby can get on things..it's PAINFUL if he grabs some hair and yanks... i don't want my dog to feel trapped or that he has to make a choice so i don't put him in a position where he would want to "correct" my son. I have had people come over with their children and it's horrid having to chase them around...Gus (dog) will leave the room if he doesn't want to interact with someone and these little monsters followed him and kept chasing him around the house...I kept telling their mother that she needed to nip that in the butt. I ended up putting Gus in my room and shutting the door...cuz he is my baby too and this is his house as well as ours.

"I remember my parents teaching me how to act respectfully around animals from the time I was very, very small. "My little snowflake doesn't know better" is NOT an acceptable excuse for kids molesting other people's pets. Playing nice with animals is one lesson to teach your kids when you're teaching them about good manners....then again, it's disturbing how few parents seem to care about raising their kids to function successfully as a part of human society anymore. I'm glad I learned to mind my P's and Q's."


i TOTALLY agree.....my parents wouldn't have let me run wild in someone elses house...i couldn't run wild in my own ,r:;

Childfree life does make dating damn near impossible. Guys can be twice as adamant about wanting kids as women, probably because they don't have to lug the equivalent of a large watermelon inside them for 9 months, push it out, and (as statistics still prove in this progressive day and age) cook for it and clean up after it. It is very, very difficult to find men who have lifestyles and aspirations that are comparable to mine and who don't pass judgement on my decision once they find out.

I guess I'm lucky, because I haven't had too many experiences with dates where they wanted a kid. Most are either on the fence or don't want children; my partner is adamantly against having kids.

My sister, niece and I went to the movies with my Aunt, and her grandchildren (same age as my niece).

My Aunt's grandchildren were acting up, and she told them "If you do that ONE more time, we're LEAVING!" ,m::

They did it ONE more time, and my niece stood up in the theater waiting on everyone else to get up to leave!
My sister asked her "What are you doing?!", my niece replied "Getting up to leave...She said "If they did it one more time...." ..l;,

Then my sister had to explain too her that not everyone follows through with their threats like Mommy does.

I've had the 'Oh, God she brought her kid with her look', but when they realized how well behaved she was, we had a great visit, and we both were invited back.

I too have experienced that men seem to want children far more than women do these days. I've asked them about this and they often say they want someone to carry on the name or keep the family line going, something like that.

Only one- my male best friend- actually wanted to physically have children himself. He wanted kids because he loves them.

A long time ago one of my friend's children was throwing a tantrum about wanting to go outside and play. My friend told her she had to eat her dinner first. The kitchen had one of those openings from the hallway into it and I watched as her kid sneaked over to the trashcan and dumped the rest of the food in it. Her kid announced, "I finished!" I told her mother she'd dumped her food in the trash, and after she verified this, she yelled at the kid...and then let her go outside anyway!

Not doing what you're told, lying, etc...apparently gets your way. I would have been grounded forever.

Well, it's one thing to have children who are well behaved and respectful, and another to expect them to behave like adults. You have to find an acceptable medium.

Kids need to run outside and play, and if the kids are inside jumping on the furniture, then the parent needs to tell them to get down and go play outside.

Or heaven forbid, actually TAKE them instead of letting a game system or television babysit them. Frankly, this is the main issue I see these days. They don't learn to interact with actual people.

Bottom line, you can't make anyone do anything. And while I'm not against a spank on the tush where necessary, I do not think bullying your children or delivering whollops at whim is the answer.

Anyhow, a two year old is going to grab and yank... no matter what you do. You should never let a child this age alone with a pet. I think the baby gate is a great idea.

Originally Posted by gothique

Then my sister had to explain too her that not everyone follows through with their threats like Mommy does.

That's priceless!

Go Mommy!

Adishakti - the little girl I was referring to in the above post is actually very well behaved for the most part. I just see very little followthrough from parents, or in the case of children I occasionally see in public, absolutely nothing at all.

Originally Posted by BreaMorgiane

Adishakti - the little girl I was referring to in the above post is actually very well behaved for the most part. I just see very little followthrough from parents, or in the case of children I occasionally see in public, absolutely nothing at all.

Eh.... I always say, that if you are ever feeling like you're a bad parent... just go to the grocery store or Walmart. You'll feel like mother of the year. ..l;,

Originally Posted by Adishakti

Eh.... I always say, that if you are ever feeling like you're a bad parent... just go to the grocery store or Walmart. You'll feel like mother of the year. ..l;,

..l;,..l;,..l;, True, so true!!!!!!

Originally Posted by BreaMorgiane

I too have experienced that men seem to want children far more than women do these days. I've asked them about this and they often say they want someone to carry on the name or keep the family line going, something like that.

Only one- my male best friend- actually wanted to physically have children himself. He wanted kids because he loves them.

Yeah, that's what they tell me, too. I hate to say it, but I find that there are a lot of guys who want kids for selfish reasons. They want to pass along the name, or have a little Mini Me to play ball with, or whatever, but seem to want none of the dirty work that comes along with the territory, or none of the speculative possibility that their future wife could gain weight, get cellulite, swap her sexier attire for yoga pants, a fresh face and a wash-and-wear hairstyle, or potentially lose some of her sex drive after having and raising said kids. Not that there's anything wrong with the latter scenario at ALL, and not that it happens to everyone - but guys I've talked to are totally oblivious to the fact that childbirth and motherhood have the potential to wreak serious havoc on a woman's body and hormones. (Some even would justify cheating, in such a scenario....,m::).

I just wish more guys would stop to think that having kids is hard work and a huge marriage/lifestyle change that takes a lot of getting used to, before they get all preachy on me for being childfree.

Where do all of you manage to find nice, supportive childfree guys? *scratches my head* Is there something scary in the CT water supply?

A firm hand is not child abuse and I think that's what the problem is with some Parents these days. I'm not talking about striking the kid although I've seen some parents that I would like to strike for having babies that they can't take care of.

So, what did your co-worker say, Sonja?