Thread: Hi, my name's doormat, nice to meet you...

Okay, how many of you know a narcissist? I must attract them like flies. Maybe because I'm the world's biggest doormat? ..c:: Feeling a bit irritated here, so I'm hoping ya'll can share your stories to make me feel less alone with my dirty-footprint-covered shirt, here....

i have trouble with them too ..cr.:....they are best at a distance and make great fade out friends! its best to start setting boundries...strong ones...remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!! you time is special....your voice is worth hearing and your friendship needs are equally important.

I have that problem, too. And Lylagus has me pegged, it's because I have a hard time setting boundaries.

Apparently I need to be liked more than I want to be respected? Or I lack basic respect for myself?

I am improving with age, though.

Sonja2,

No worries dear. Just because you are laid back and easy going doesn't mean you are a doormat.

Narcissists like themselves very much and need to be around people who show no competion to them what so ever. What type of person is that? Someone like you and me. Someone who is comfortable with theirself and doesn't need constient confirmation that their **** doesn't stink.

Now that you are aware what the problem is, you will be able to pick and choose who you want to surround yourself with.


Michelle

Oh Michelle, I wish that were really a description of me!! I'm pretty competitive myself, and not all that comfortable with myself--pretty low self esteem. I think it's more of the "I need to be liked more than I want to be respected" think Lauren has going on.

One of my best friends from college was such a narcissist I just was completely flabberghasted at the things she could do and still not think there was something wrong with her world view. I mean, if you weren't there to be here personal servant, then you weren't there, if you get my drift. It wasn't until she moved to the other side of the continent that I really saw what she'd been doing to my self esteem...and now we have a much healthier friendship (that is, a much-less-close-but-much-happier friendship).

It would seem, though, that my eagerness to please is a magnet for the "high and mighty". Hmm. Well, I'm going to pick up a book on the topic today.

Sonja2,

It sounds as if you like to please, whether in an unconcious or concious manner. There is nothing wrong with that. Although, that trait does attract stronger personalities.

Say it with me.....NO. I had to teach my mother this cause she is the kind of person who thinks that if she has 15 minutes to herself then she is being selfish. It is okay to say no, I don't feel like it and have no real excuse not to do something for someone. You can just not want to do it and stay home and refluff the matt on your carpet. This takes a long time to learn if you are not use to it. I did not inherit this trait from my mom. I have no problems saying no, I want to stay home in my PJ's and stare absent mindedly at the TV all day. Start small, you will respect yourself in the morning.

Originally Posted by Linnyg

Say it with me.....NO. I had to teach my mother this cause she is the kind of person who thinks that if she has 15 minutes to herself then she is being selfish. It is okay to say no, I don't feel like it and have no real excuse not to do something for someone. You can just not want to do it and stay home and refluff the matt on your carpet. This takes a long time to learn if you are not use to it. I did not inherit this trait from my mom. I have no problems saying no, I want to stay home in my PJ's and stare absent mindedly at the TV all day. Start small, you will respect yourself in the morning.

You're right, I do have a big problem with saying no. I think my husband's even worse, so we both end up running around doing everything. I'm learning where to draw some boundaries, but that seems to fade away if I really admire someone. Here's a good example, yesterday I got on the phone with friend of mine & said "hey, were you planning to do something for XYZ's birthday?" typical of her, she responded "Well, I wasn't going to do, but someone should make her a cake, don't you think??" LONG silent pause. And, typical of me (kicking myself) I said "ok, I guess I'll make brownies" and, obedient little me set off to buy brownie mix & make brownies. *sigh*.